Starting 11

Greetings. El-Farooq back up in this beyoooootch. Shout out to the hommie RJ for letting me guest blog. First off, a nigga be reading so he be a lil bit off the radar, feel me? But now I’m back to say ignant shit as I always do. I mean, like someone said, I’m just a brat with internet access. Aii, straight to bidness for this post. It’s a starting 11 formation type-thing for 9ja music entertainers. Mainly rappers tho. I must say, this is pure jokes. PURE JOKES. I don’t want niggas running up on me and hitting me with the Stone Cold Stunner…

I don't want niggas doing this to me...

I don’t want niggas doing this to me…

I guess what I’m tryna say is None of this shii is serious. Just my usual ignant piece o’ shit. I wrote something similar here a while back, if u haven’t read it maybe you should do so here. Ok, starting 11…

Starting 11

Starting 11

Aii, Let me explain.
GOALIE (WIERD MC)
The primary objective of every keeper is to allow absolutely no balls into the net and let’s be honest, when u see Wierd MC, would you want to put your balls into her net? Do you want to hit that target? When you see Wierd MC do you wanna ‘Score’? No, right? Right. For this reason I suggest we keep her as our keeper.

RIGHT-BACK (JESSE JAGZ)
Skillful. Always good in getting foward and offering help to strikers. *looks at attackers… Nods head*. Versatile. Works hard while others take the glory but everybody knows you can’t do without him. Only album was in ’09 and errbody be asking the same question “When next will J.Jagz drop something new”… The reply, Four words … “I’ll be RIGHT BACK .. -_-

CENTER-BACK (KAHLI ABDU)
AKA Mighty Slim. Always got our back. Never afraid to tackle the different issues in the country. Doesn’t care about personal glory, all he wants is make sure the people are safe. Mature, composed but deep inside lies a beast. That’s Mighty Slim for you. Always there to defend the people against the oppressors. If ever there was a rap version of the Late Great Fela, it’ll be Mighty Slim.

CENTER-BACK: SWEEPER (KID-KONNECT)
Got a problem with your EP,LP or Mixtape? Then here’s the solution…. Kid Konnect. Always there to make things right on a musical project. Konnect’s beats are like photoshop, it can make anybody look good. I mean, if you can’t sound good on a Kid Konnect beat then please, exit the industry. The job of the sweeper is to take care of any mistake at the back, clear loose balls…. ***At this moment I’ll like to say that WAS NOT a pun. If you think that’s a joke Konnecting Kid and Loose Kaynon’s genitals then you should be ashamed of yourself. Bloody pervert.***.. As I was saying, the Center back and the Sweeper have a great understanding. Coincidentally, Kid Konnect and Mighty Slim have great musical chemistry between them. Am I good or what?

LEFT-BACK (CYRUS DA VIRUS)
Aii. So I heard a Cyrus Da Virus track a coupla weeks ago where nigga be getting all emotional and what not. “It Wasn’t Given To Me”. I hear you ladies love it when a man gets emotional so y’all might love him for this. Nigga be talmbout alota deep stuff…shii like how he was supposed to be the winner of the best new artist at Hip-Hop world award back in 2008. The nominees that year included M.I., Banky W, GT The Guitarman and the eventual winner, Wande Coal. No offense or nothing but looking at their careers right now, is it safe to say the others have all made it big and he got LEFT at the BACK? 😐

DEFENSIVE MID-FIELDER (RUGGED-MAN)
Aii, check this out. This role used to be very important but the way the game is changing, this role is becoming less and less important. Teams would rather play with 2 Central Mid-fielders and an attacker in the middle than the old fashion diamond formation. Ok enough story. Bottom-line is, Rugged was useful back then, getting rid of Eedris and all ‘em wackos but now, to be honest, we don’t need no Rugged-Man. Ts’all I’m saying.

ATTACKING MID-FIELDER (M.I.)
The most important player on the pitch. The equivalent of American football’s Quarter-Back. The ultimate short caller. I’m sorry, shot caller. Knows all about the game, skillful, versatile, great entertainer, leader… *insert other washy attributes*.

RIGHT AND LEFT ATTACKING MID-FIELDER (D’BANJ & SAUCE-KID)
Most wingers are the most entertaining in any team. The Portuguese niggas, Nani, Quaresma (he’s still alive), Ronaldo (the 2005 Ronaldo at least), the Figos, Riberys, Silva etc. Great entertainers but still have a great knowlegde bout what it takes to hit the target/make hit records. Woulda added the Nigga Vic O to the list of entertainers but I have a feeling y’all aint gon forgive a nigga for that so imma just chill on that.

SUPPORTING STRIKER (TU-FACE)
Wait a minute, this is a mistake right here. The Top striker should be the one doing all the scoring. Tu-Face clearly is the best scorer in the music industry, worldwide. Okay, maybe T.I. and Little Wayne are better but u get my point. This is a terrible mix-up. Forgive me. Let’s leave Tu-Face here or rather let’s just assume we’re playing with 2 top nines.

TOP STRIKER (MODENINE)
I mean, it’s only right the Modenine is the Top 9 ain’t it? Always hits the target (Pause). Every defender’s nightmare. Great finisher (Rugged-Man can testify). As with every Top 9 he doesn’t pass (the mic, but we’re over that now). He would also be a good Defensive Striker, kinda like Rooney when Man Utd are protecting a single goal lead. I mean, his mixtape (Occupy The Throne) was really dope and all but all I kept hearing was “Imma block you”… “Fuck a follow back, imma block”… “Talk shit about me & imma block u”… So since he’s really into blocking, he’ll make a good Defensive Striker, right?

…………………………….
COACH (DJ JIMMY JATT)
Who would you rather have as coach? He’s perfect for the job. Been around the longest, knows everything ‘bout what it takes to make an impact in the entertainment industry. Definitely the right person to coach.

SUPER-SUB (BOOGEY)
If you’ve heard of this nigga right here then you’ll know he’s here to change the game. On Terry Tha Rapman’s mixtape he was a guest and he delivered superbly. Same great delivery was repeated when he was a guest on M.I.’s mixtape and Modenine’s as well. You know, if he wasn’t a rapper he would make a great surrogate mum…. You know, cos of…his…deliveries -___-

LINES-MAN (VECTOR)
I might not like him that much but I gotta admit, dude has lines. Some bleh, but he’s got loads of ’em

REFEREE (DENRENLE)
Let’s be honest, which other person in the entertainment industry do you feel is ready to always ‘Blow’, 24/7? Queer ass nigga.

Aii peace.

Copyright© 2012 http://www.theinsanephenom.wordpress.com

  1. You are so wrong for this lol

  2. No Space for Sina Rambo?
    (-̩̩̩͡˛-̩̩̩)

    • “Yo Waxxy, Keep the mic on (Maicon), I’m coming RIGHT BACK” – Senavoe.. I don’t care what U say RJ, this line inspired Jesse’s write-up.. ( ˘˘̯)

      • Haha! Nah bro. “I’ll be right back like Gary Neville” by Mode 9 was the line that actually inspired it.

    • Daisy
    • July 6th, 2012

    First?

    • jemjem
    • July 6th, 2012

    commenting via my Bird sv750 phone..
    This BOY!!!!

    • whoistunde
    • July 6th, 2012

    Hahahahahaha!!! You know all these niggas would come find you soon right? You couldn’t have said it better with Cyrus..not 1 single hit song since he has started rapping

    • Daisy
    • July 6th, 2012

    I feel like I just ‘uped’ my cool points cos I can actually understand this post. Oh and Efe you took my spot (˘̯˘ ) . Cool write-up tho..

    • trafels
    • July 6th, 2012

    I’l be ‘RIGHT BACK’ (y) …Err, u can still score in the weird one’s net x_x

  3. Ehm…….where’s Azadus, Iceprince also looks likes a winger with flair.
    Very funny post!!!!
    I keep meeting crazy people everyday

    • Bosun
    • July 6th, 2012

    Brilliant.

    • ShoWontStop
    • July 6th, 2012

    LMFAO!!!! @ Weird MC, Cyrus and Rugged man.

    Fuck It!

    SYBT are gonna sign you.

    • yinka
    • July 6th, 2012

    U jus had 2 pick on weird mc bah

    • Verb
    • July 6th, 2012

    LoooL. Denrele has the most useless job on here. nigga be getting all wet for dem celebs. buhahaha. Brilliant shit man…pupu with I.Q -___-

    • Abdulfatai (@adewale02)
    • July 6th, 2012

    I’ll be ‘RIGHT BACK’….. He’s been LEFT @ the BACK… Lol at Rugged-man and LINESMEN(Vector)… Nice one tho, where is Ice Prince?

    • He comes on just before a game dressed as a Cow Mascot since he’s always “milking the game”

  4. LOL Boogey would be a surrogate mum cos his deliveries? (‘-‘)
    And you say this kid isn’t mental…
    I think you should have included the ‘Unused Substitute’ catergory so Shina Rambo wouldn’t feel bad he wasn’t included in the team

    • REDD
    • July 6th, 2012

    Dear Cyrus,Rugged,Wierd Mc,….I tried to warn him, I really did. ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

    • @MissNickiMaraj
    • July 6th, 2012

    LMAO! Poor Denrele had to be the ref. Chike,these guys would beat you up soon, shey you know?!?

    • ifedotun
    • July 6th, 2012

    Skales should be no 12…

  5. You outdid yourself with this one.

    Puns EVERYWHERE!!

    Weren’t you a rapper in your past life?

    Amazing job yo..

  6. *whispering* Yo chike… Word on the streets is some bad men be looking for you. Burrow deeper into that hole of yours.

    But on a real though, this is sick.

    • ikhizama
    • July 6th, 2012

    Damn. U got all the positions right

    • Shady Nerd’s Corner
    • July 12th, 2012

    This is really good…like Terdoh said, puns everwhere…something like ice prince…brava

    • weird_oo
    • July 18th, 2012

    No Vic O. 😥

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