If Nigerian Rappers Were EPL Clubs…

Yo,Tsup.. This’ ya hommie El-Farooq… I got this lil shii the nigga RJ said I should deliver to y’all. A little don’t-hurt-me p*ssy-ass disclaimer-type thing.

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RJ ain’t a p*ssy-nigga. I ain’t scared of the niggas mentioned in this post. I fux with their music,yadig? Generally, I love ’em on a strictly no homo basis G. But I don’t want people taking this shii personal, feel me? This shii is pure jokes yo. Don’t send niggas to my crib to come and fuck me up. I don’t roll with bodyguards like y’all. In fact, RJ didn’t write this. El-Farooq did. Yes, El-Farooq did. I live in the north. I doubt if y’all gon’ come here.

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So, I(El-Farooq) was bumping the New Kahli Abdu mixtape (Rebel Friday) while watching the EPL review last week & then it hit me(El-Farooq) … What would it be like if Nigerian rappers were EPL clubs … Well, I(El-Farooq) didn’t include Kahli Abdu. He’s more like Napoli. Very dope & can fuck anybody up. Without further ado the 9ja rappers/EPL list.

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Ruggedman would be Liverpool...

Living on past glory. Was once the shit. Until Man Utd changed that. Still wont go down without a fight so keeps releasing albums. Bleh! That reminds me, remember that victory against AC Milan at Instanbul? Damn! They just like causing Pain(Payne) to Nice(9ice) people.

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Ikechukwu would be Stoke City....

Gra-Gra. Very rough team, Stoke. killz loves to fight as well. Not a bad rapper/team. No one likes to mess with them in their own territory. They’ll fuck you up.

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ummm... Iceprince would be Arsenal...

Arsenal. Knows how to attract people with their beautiful soccer. Iceprince. Knows how to attract people with his nice dance tracks. Oleku, Superstar. Arsenal, sold their best players but still trying with those they have. Iceprince, uses his best verses when featured by other artists. Arsenal, needs to keep their best players if they want to have a chance of winning the EPL.Iceprince, needs to save his best verses for his future album if he must have a chance of winning best lyricist.

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Sauce Kid would be Everton... I think

Everton. Definitely better than what most people think. Same with the nigga Sinzu. A lil bit more concentration is what is needed. Remember 2008 when they almost made it to the Champions League? Remember 2006/7/8 when Sauce Kid made niggas sing sambaribobo(Sp?)? Glory days.

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Queen Blaise would be Swansea

Swansea. Welsh team in the English Premier League and doing pretty damn well. Blaise. Female emcee that can match most of the male rappers. In her own world,The Femcee world,she’s a Queen. If u ever get to read this, WE(El-Farooq & RJ) LOVE YOU BLAISE!!!!

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Def... Beazy would be QPR

QPR. Steady on their grind. Hardworking. Loves competition. Beazy. Well, if you look at the way Beazy does his collabos you’ll know he loves challenges. Still early in the Nigerian music biz but Beazy is already leaving a huge mark in the game. (Get it? huge mark? QPR’s manager is Mark Huges…). Just a matter of time before their hardwork pays off big time.

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Skales = Aston Villa

Remember when Skales was too young? Yea, he had alot potentials. Remember when Aston Villa had two Youngs(Ashley Young & Luke Young)? Yea, they had alot potentials. Right now, both of them are just ordinary. For the sake of the rapgame and the beautiful game of soccer, I(El-Farooq) hope they can prove their doubters wrong.

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Label me captain obvious but King Mode9 would be Man Utd

Man Utd. The pride of England. Modenine. The pride of Nigerian rap. These are unanimous facts. Many will come and go. But these two will reign supreme.

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Not sure bout this but Terry Tha Rapman would be Sunderland

Well, Man Utd and Sunderland are close buddies(Man Utd have sold/loaned Welbeck, O’Shea, Brown, Bradsley, Richardson to Sunderland) so its only right if Terry is Sunderland.

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Aaaahaaan... XO.Senavoe would be Tottenham

XO.Senavoe & Spurs. Achieved so much in a little time. Very very very focused. Last year, Spurs did amazingly well in the big stage, the Champions League. XO.Senavoe did amazingly well last year in the BET cypher as well. Its gon’ be tough but they can both be Number 1. Remember I(El-Farooq) said its gon’ be tough.

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Naeto would be Norwich

Below average. Both Norwich & Nateo. But here’s the good thing; Norwich will NEVER brag about being the best. Same with Nateo-C. They’re just like Nelly. Naeto will never drop lines like “I’m the greatest ever like Maradonna in his prime/If being dope is a crime then i should be doing time“. Nah,he a humble nigga & I(El-Farooq) respect that. But if u tell him he’s wack, nigga’s gon insult ur dad.

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Vector The Viper would be Newcastle

Vector, just like Newcastle has showed he aint a push over. U gotta be afraid of this nigga. Full of surprises. All d niggas for him hood wey been dey doubt am, him don make dem baba bow as him dey achieve all him goals one by one. See what I(El-Farooq) did there?

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eLDee the Don = Chelsea

Rich. Above average. Past his glory days but still relevant. Chelsea’s Abramovic is a big boy. eLDee… Well, eLDee is a big boy as well.

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Ill Bliss would be Blackburn

Ill bliss. Blackburn. Both of ’em once had a lil buzz when the competetion was low way back then. Now irrelevant. Can’t wait for Blackburn to relegate. Tired of seeing them. I(El-Farooq) saw this in the comment section of SYBT “Ill bliss is so wack,i could battle him in sign language and still win” .. I know I’m not Ill Bliss’ biggest fan but this is just mean.

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*Wandering*... That Nigga Raw would be Bolton

Bolton. Loved by a few Nigerians only cos Jay Jay played there. Nigga Raw. Loved by a few(mainly Igbos) cos he spits in their dialect. He’s pretty funny too. Nothing special but we love having both Bolton & Nigga Raw around.

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M.I. would be Man City

Man City. Has everything necesarry to take Man Utd’s place on the throne. Very attractive football. Same for M.I. & King Mode9. Will Man City ever take Man Utd’s place? Will M.I. ever take King Mode9’s place on the throne? We’ll just have to wait and see. One thing’s for sure…. It aint gon be an easy task.

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Teeto Ceemos = Fulham

Fulham is def Teeto Ceemos. Extra dangerous. Remember Fulham’s Europa League exploits in 2009/2010? Remember Teeto reppin’ Nigeria at the Channel O rap competition in 2008? The raw passion Teeto has for rap BARS is like a young upcoming law student craving court-age(Craven Cottage). The talent is there, no doubt, but with the right owner/label, Fulham/Teeto will once again flourish. PS. that Craven cottage wordplay is sick,yea? ^_^ .. ♫ Teeto’s Verse on “I’m So Flossy” .. Eargasmic!!!!!

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Jagz would be the big bad Wolf.

Jagz would be Wolves. Good but can do better. And remember Wolves BEATing the big teams last season? Remember Jagz providing BEATs for the top rappers over the years? -_-

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H

Olamide would be West Brom. Pretty decent. Dedicated. Different approach.

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*Sigh* D

Look. Being a Christian, it’s wrong to question the Lord’s decisions. Ya dig? Errthing happens for a reason. The Lord knows what He’s doing Cos sometimes I(El-Farooq) just want to ask the Lord… What on earth is Wigan doing in the EPL? What on earth is D’Prince doing in the rap game? FOH!! I know it aint easy yo but….. Arrrgggggghhhhh. When I see Wigan play football/hear Omoba rap, I just want to grab a female puppy, stick it in a microwave, set the timer to 8mins & hit “start”. Shii. One time I actually contemplated jumping in front of a moving train just to end the misery my ears/eyes be going through. Nothing Athletic about Wigan. Nothing “Princy” about the D’Prince. Well, somehow they’re still here. I don’t hate D’prince tho. Remember I said this post is just pure jokes.

Aii. Peace yo. *Tosses Tribune Newspaper to the side*

  1. how’s Mode9 man Utd? & M.I Man City. On d contrary M.I got d trophiez mehn!
    Anywayz u’re good wit knowledge of Rap & Football put together….a nigga can learn a thing or 2 frm ya. Nice one… Keep it rolling…i’ll luv 2 c another comparision like this in d near future 😎
    *peace out*

      • terdoh
      • January 31st, 2012

      Nah nigga.

      MI pays his respects to Mode now. He knows what’s up.

      Nobody fucks with Mode. All Nigerian rappers are Mode’s bitches. Woof woof.

      Just like Man Utd.

      Case closed.

        • Debo
        • January 31st, 2012

        Honestly NOOONE of dese rappers will fuck with X.O SENAVOE and dat nigga just started. Think about it!!!! IMO he’s the greatest already like Mike jordan even before the rings. The rings coming his way soon will only prove this.

      • I agree too. XO is a beast. Doing pretty damn well

      • mode9 is good…no doubt but i think his delivery is poor,
        yep i said so
        common mehn!
        M.I delivers like a Midwife 😀
        mode9 is almost just talking…as in d way he raps- he could just give a speech with d same cadence,
        M.I all d way joooooor
        respect to mode9 too 🙂

      • Well, I get ur point tho u have to remember delivery is just one aspect of rap. U have to put lyrics into consideration. M.I. prolly has the best delivery in Nigeria. BUT lyrically he aint all that anymore. Recently he’s bn ordinary sorta. Well, truth be told, his packaging is better & as much as I love Mode9, I’ll rather go for an M.I. Concert than a Mode9 concert. But without a doubt, Mode9 is better. Even M.I. Knows it

      • Exactly Terdoh. Exactly. (Y)

    • Thanks bro. Hopefully Actors/actresses this time. 🙂

    • Alf_redd
    • January 31st, 2012

    Demba ba bow…..dude hit the studio already!!! Nice one bro

    • blakk zaar
    • January 31st, 2012

    After laughing off my butt lemme say I agree with ur list except for terry tha rapman tho,u can t do a nigga like that he is a vet in naija rap and if u listen to his early work den u’ll know a bro is way better than sunderland, good one

    • Yea… Woulda picked Chelsea but too many choices to make. Had to just pick Sunderland. That was the only one I wasn’t sure of. That one & Jagz/Wolves.. Thanks tho 🙂

    • Verb
    • January 31st, 2012

    Lmao!…very good read! Loved it. I knew M.I wud be Man City b4 I even got there lol…that’s his way…D’prince lmao…sad story. “Nothing Athletic about Wigan” lmao!…my favourite line throughout

    • L!
    • January 31st, 2012

    LOL.. But D’Prince = Wigan??.. Too much i think!.. Crystal Palace maybe.. X_X

    • @ariyoopeyemi
    • January 31st, 2012

    Nice 1,u did well bt y do u ave to implicate SYTM in this

    • @Fiddlestix_
    • January 31st, 2012

    LMAO! Downright beautiful… Maybe y’all should take lil time and stare at EPL table. M.I, Mode9, XO.Senavoe, elDee & Ice Prince are top 5.

  2. Buahahahahahaa @ d’prince disgrace to 16 barz everywhere

    • @Ms_Oenoene
    • January 31st, 2012

    M.I. Is the KING!! The rest are court jesters.

    • roteame
    • January 31st, 2012

    Rotflmfao. Shike oh sorry El-farooq O!!!!!! Aff die here. What did the prince ever do to u ehn? Why evils???? “Ill bliss is so wack,i could battle him in sign language and still win”… Whoever wrote that has a special place in hell. This post jst made my “not so good” day. Thanks fagget.

    • trafels
    • January 31st, 2012

    Spot on! ill bliss 😦 ….. Sickest line —> Beazy is already leaving a huge mark in the game (Mark Hughes)
    P.S.. ManUtd is rich, Mode9 is …………. 😐

    • seunzz
    • January 31st, 2012

    you forgot our nigga TERRY-G

    • Daisy
    • January 31st, 2012

    Puhlease! Mode9 is so manU-ish I mean it is only right you pair ’em champions together. *fist bumps RJ* Female puppy in a microwave tho! 😥 *silently swears for D’prince*

    • ShoWontStop
    • January 31st, 2012

    Buhahahahahaahahhahahahahahhahahahaha

    This shit is pure jokes yo! Spot on with Blaize, Sinzu, Ceemos and Vector.

    • ibetapassmynebo
    • January 31st, 2012

    LOOOOOL
    D’Prince – wigan
    IllBliss – Blackburn. . .loool wallahi I saw him immediately taking Yaks Position. . .

    Nice!

    • radiokiller
    • January 31st, 2012

    ………Rotflmao……the prince oh!!! U know what d deal is RJ, once the market keeps accepting whack songs, d industry would never get better! If I were to pick my fav naija rappers I’d say, Mode9, M.I, Sinzu, vector, X.O, in that order, vector over X.O bcos he just has a lot more material to choose from dan X.o, beazy & teeto have potential too but d rest can jump off a jimmy’s cliff……:|

    • Azeez
    • January 31st, 2012

    Lmao! This is sick! Craving court – age,, Huge Mark… U be criminal… Nice post!

    • ayojoibukun
    • January 31st, 2012

    Spot on! Got me LMAO all the way to the end….. And D’prince? ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ). And yeah Mode 9 gotta be ManUtd!! We the best niggas!

  3. Hey bruv, you left out a real nigga, YUNG6IX. The dude is coming up so well.

    • Yea. I remembered that. U knw I had to pick 20 & for that West Brom it had to be him or Olamide. 6IX is good. No doubt

    • her royal ‘highness’
    • January 31st, 2012

    LooooL..Agree with everything apart frm M.I. & Mode….Mr Incredible is ManUtd jor. I’m tinkn Mode9 shdnt even be in the EPL.Lower division def -_-

    • Yea, MI shoulda..wait what? Wait wait wait.. What? Mode9 in the lower devision? 😦 .. Biko,pls,dnt let people see this oh. Niggas have lost their lives over lesser crimes. 😦

      • trafels
      • January 31st, 2012

      Get a vest…Fast!

    • MrOnafuye
    • January 31st, 2012

    Nwoye pikin,how u mix stupidity n common sense is note worthy.good compilation

  4. Hmmmn…
    *picks Tribune newspaper, turns to entertainment page*
    Gotchya!
    Nice comparison.

    • Mafioso
    • January 31st, 2012

    Iceberg Slim aint here…..???
    *refreshes list*

    PULEASE!!!! Until ‘Illegal Music 2’ drops and it surpasses ‘Illegal Music 1’, Mr Abaga is still crap to me.

    Thanks

    • anittta
    • January 31st, 2012

    Looooool…this is briliant. The fact that I laughed thru out while reading only shows how funny this is. Mode 9? Well, we just ve to organize charity for him, that way he gets to have more cash and can comfortably be ManU 😐

    • Gbono
    • January 31st, 2012

    cool job… Very entertaining

    • okem
    • January 31st, 2012

    wat of nel nwanne…. Btw I fnk mode 9 shld be arsenal they knw hw 2 play attractive football…but dnt win any trophies…same wiv mode. Balla let’s make sme paper o

    • But, Okem Umerie why would I want to include Nel? .. ⌣̩_⌣ … Anyhow sha,u’re my manager so na u dey in charge of the paper. 🙂

    • Huh, okem? Mode doesn’t win trophies? What happened to the consistent award he has been grabbing for 6yrs straight?
      Chike, why haven’t u advised Okem to stop watching OGTv 😦

        • okem
        • February 1st, 2012

        D same way assnal don dey win only emirate cup for d past few yrs

  5. =Chyke, why havnt u said anything about maf’s comment…he’s right you know?
    =who is “her royal highness”?please ohhhhh | | <—- Park Here.
    =chyke, OverDose?can't find him here and chill, is D'prince even a Rapper?

  6. Nice piece. BuT……. Nigga Chelsea aint just relevant, we ‘Mata’ a lot and we are very ‘Essien’-tial… Still I support the idea of representing us with Eldee da Don.

    Brilliant post. (Y)

    • Nice wordplay… Ehen.. Who said y’all iz still essien-tial? Ordinary Swansea inserted their fully erect penis into ur butthole last night & almost got away with it. Until u change ur squad, y’all aint shii

      • Ted
      • February 1st, 2012

      Blood, u need 2 get a vest n some bodygaurds, niggas will be on ur tail. About Mode 9, true. Nigga is d best rapper n lyricist in naija, compare him wiv dem Nas, Jay, Big boi…. D nigga is CLASSIC! And about Ice prince, TRUE! Dat dougs albums is like 2 mics but on oda pples tracks, he raps good. Good job though……

    • @forlarin
    • February 1st, 2012

    Hehehehehehe nice,ð similarization(if dats a word) wz pretty tight.of course i expect nothing less

    • Davinci
    • February 2nd, 2012

    Yo kat, dis ish aint half bad…u ryt wiv da 9 bin top doug…was wonder’n why d’prince had 2 mk dis list…wen kats lyk Overdose and SDC are missing.

    • U knw its a league so there gotta be the good ones & the bad ones. If it was a Champions League format then all of ’em gotta be good cos u knw only the best get to the champions league.

    • Davinci
    • February 3rd, 2012

    Fil ya…bt in dis herez ‘league of xtraordinary gentlemen’, d’prince aint jst bad, diaz da gud rapperz, diaz da bad onez, and den we got 50ft of crap and den diaz d’prince….tink I can live wit ‘Sample Ekwe’ filling da slot of dat moron*grins*

    • @Yommii_
    • February 4th, 2012

    It was funny till i saw M.I

  7. Erich Fromm: “The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.”

  8. NO SDC *reportsasperm*
    D’prince is di ishh yo! ” hes hot like 1000 degrees”
    Falz should be an honourable mention.. hes entering the premier league this year

    • Haha! SDC is in the Serie A. Juventus perhaps. Oh & ur thoughts about D’Prince……. Behave

    • Abdulfatai
    • April 5th, 2012

    Nothin Athlectic bout Wigan……. Kai, why D’prince?? 🙂 True tho!

  1. May 12th, 2012

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