Letter To My Unborn Nigglets

Tsup kids. I assume y’all are 3. Yes 3 kids. Let me just say this now that y’all are still lil. ONE OF YOU MUST PLAY SOCCER. Shiiii, that nigga Eto’o be making bout 350k a week. Pounds o. Aint that bout a muther. Yes, as an Igbo man,I have to talk bout money 1st. ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ . Okay, lemme break it down. Y’all are going to have to figure this out amongst urselves. One of you MUST be a soccer star & u’re only permitted to play for Man Utd or AS Roma. My favourite clubs. Err… Man City, Real Madrid, PSG & Malaga are options as well, they have bucks. 🙂
N/B You must never play for Arsenal. You can as well just be a eunuch, both are known for firing blank. (over sabi people go talk say na AN Eunuch).

As I was saying, one MUST be a musician oh. Yes. If u pick a lady then she must be as good as Christina Aguilera. Or at least Lindsey of Chocolate City. If u pick a guy then he must be as good as Eminem. Yes, i dont care, sell ur soul to Zeem’s dad if you have to. I don’t care. Sha make that cheddar. Then the last one of u MUST be a lawyer. Daddy plans to do some shaddy deals in the future, he’ll need a lawyer for free. 🙂

Now onto some thing serious. Sexual orientation. Read carefully. It’s a free world. Everybody is allowed to choose. Now, just incase one of you is gay, no problem just approach me and tell me, I’m very understanding. Now remember I said “Everybody is allowed to choose”? Yes, now this is when u’re allowed to choose. Choose how I’ll kill you. Rat poison dey, gun dey, knife dey, D’Prince album dey, rope dey… Anyone u want, just choose cos no child of mine shall be attracted to a member of the same sex. Shiii. How dyu want me to tell the world that i gave birth to a fagget? ‘fuck i look like? @Terdoh?
N/B @Terdoh aka Terdoo is one of Dad’s friends from way back then. Yes, that gay rights activist they always show on TV. Yea, we aint buddies no more.

Now my daughter(s) u can stop reading now, ur mom should be able to talk to u bout the rest. Fella(s) pay attention. Marry a girl that likes yoghourt. A girl that likes the 12th track on Tha Carter 3. A girl similar to our vacuum cleaner. Yup. Yup. A girl that can SUCK. I know this seems a lil awkward coming from ur dad but someone’s gotta tell u. Besides i guess thats bout +400 cool points for me right? Right? YES. 🙂

Now son(s), u gotta be a fast thinker especially with the ladies. Don’t ever allow a girl mess with u. Don’t ever admit u have fucked up cos bili me, she’ll make u buy shoes and bags just to show u’re sorry and she’ll starve u of sex for 1month and head for 3months. U have to be very smart. Let me tell you bout one of my girlfriends from back then. Her name was Morenike. She had nice boobs and all that. Anyways, we went out for a very romantic dinner on the the 31st of March 2017 for our anniversary. We got to the hotel late, bout midnight..(yea, ur old man needed a hotel 4 this special night) When we opened the door she was surprised. Now u know daddy dont like all that mushy shit but u gotta act like a softy to get some ladies. The whole hotel suite was candle lit, rose petals on the floor and stuff like that. Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross’ “Endless Love” playing and shii. She turned and saw me on one knee with a small box open and a freaking expensive ring sitting in there like a BAWSE.
Me: Morenike, since i met u…… blah blah blah *insert romantic but gangsta proposal*
Morenike: Oh My,RJ… I … I
Me: 🙂 yes darling, would you marry me?
Morenike: RJ… Chike… Baby no. I cant marry you. Im… Im… Im sorry. Im not sure my vjj will ever forgive me. U’re a sex freak. Besides my dad wants me to marry a yoru….
*… Son(s) within a micro-second i came up with this.*
Me: APRIL FOOL. Hahahahahahahahaha… I got u. Wow. Wait wait, u thought I was proposing for real?? Camaaaaaaan.
Morenike: wait u were joking? U mean..
Me: yup. All planned. Gosh u should see ur face. Haha

Of cos we argued a bit, i mean she felt that was an expensive joke, literally too. And i played the so-u-have-no-intentions-of-marrying-me card. Well, sex settled it. And son(s) that’s the story of how i left Morenike in a hotel with all the bills to pay by herself. Yup. Daddy snuck out while she was crashing. Bitch wasnt gonna marry me anyway. And yea, i moved to ur Uncle @Verbalreasoning’s house for 2months till i was sure she had forgotten bout me. U see son(s). Ur dad is a sharp dude. Well, if i think of any thing else to tell y’all imma write a sequel. Aii? Cool. Now fuck off. Oh wait, this just happened right before I hit the “post” button. Daddy is a fast thinker yo. 🙂

    • whoistunde
    • October 29th, 2011

    ‘D’prince album sef dey’.( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

    • @Frankices
    • October 29th, 2011

    Dang! D Prince’s album??? Lwkmd! Wat did he eva do to any of u?

    • ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ) .. I’m a die hard D’Prince fan o. It was just a cheap shot. 😦

    • Roteame
    • October 29th, 2011

    Lwkmd. Sharp guy. Dat pix has killed me o *holding my stomach and dabbing my eyes with boxers from my laundry basket*
    Lovely post bro… I’m sure the footballing kid won’t even allow men jump on him when he scores jst coz he won’t want his dad to force him to make a choice. And that D’prince album bit???? Nigga u crayyyyy.
    PS: Thanks for the April 1st idea… OH and Chike ur VVIP hell ticket is sure.

    • Boxers from laundry basket? LOOL.. Ode. And no.. I’m Team Jesus.. I’m going to heaven.. ┐(‘⌣’┐) (┌’⌣’)┌ ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐┌(˘.˘)ʃ

    • Ikhizama
    • October 29th, 2011

    Death by D’prince cd. I’ll try that one soon. Kill any stupid chick in my car.

  1. First kid = Jerkinson

    • ayojoibukun
    • October 29th, 2011

    Lwkmd!!!! Nigga can u make heaven?? D’prince album as punishment too? ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡) hahaha! Terdoo is one of dem lil fruits? *Ara*! And dat Bbm convo buhahahahaha BSG! (Y) nice piece once again!!!

    • LMAO!! Why’s everybody assuming I won’t spend eternity in heaven. Abeg o, clear road for Jesus pikin. 😀 … Thanks bro. (Y)

    • Alf_redd
    • October 29th, 2011

    Lwkmd….d’prince album??? smh @ that bbm convo!!! nice work

    • Onafuye
    • October 29th, 2011


    • @yinkadelakes
    • October 29th, 2011

    lmfao..u fuckin fruit..u just hd 2 piq on arsenal abi..d april fool ish is evergreen..n d pic..hahahahaha..idiot!!!

    • cikk0
    • October 29th, 2011

    The man has issues. Lol.

  2. I just spoke wiv Zeem’s dad, and he ddnt find ur joke about him funny……he said u are getting a fagget for a son ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

    • okem_daniels
    • October 29th, 2011


    • sholly
    • October 29th, 2011

    Errrr lollipop?

    • Verb
    • October 29th, 2011

    Buhahahaha…can u imagine.I swear Morenike Called me to ask if I had seen u..I said yh..u had become an altar boy in some church in maiduguri..so she was glad

    • @MissNickiMaraj
    • October 29th, 2011

    This Chike ehn! LOL

    • Mz_Shadee
    • October 29th, 2011

    Oh dear. 1st time here and this is really funny. I died at D’Prince album part. Lmaooooo. Why evus???!!!

  3. hahahahahahahahahaha

    Girls that like Yogurt 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • ibetapassmynebo
    • October 29th, 2011

    Lol. . .nice

  4. Can my Anonymous marry the lawyer? She might be useful. Don’t forget that I’ll have Chinese connect. Let’s settle this issue now before they’re born.
    N.B I’m assuming the lawyer is gonna be female.


    Larry Sushey.

    • terdoh
    • October 29th, 2011

    *insert romantic but gangsta proposal*

    Do you have a video? I’d like to hear the proposal first hand. 😐

    (But you know your kid is going to want some of me when he’s legit)

    • Highlandblue
    • October 29th, 2011

    Not bad. I am still debating whether to write mine as humor or real life. I like the style of writing. You also gave your boy a good way to deal with the worst possible rejection in life. (Y)

    • folarin
    • October 29th, 2011

    U̶̲̥̅̊ punk .lmaoooooooooooo

    • Yoyin Bankz
    • October 29th, 2011

    Chike? I’d keep praying for you……………………and Terdoh.

  5. Evus!! D’prince ehn! LmaOo..and april foolin on d 31st of march.sharp guy! Nicee..

    • benita
    • November 7th, 2011

    LMAO!!! The prince’s album tho ? my gawd !!.. hilarious piece…you’re crazy..in a good way tho 🙂

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