The Bright Light

The following is a true-life story. MY true-life story. Please Download this track and play while reading to maximize the efizzi. For real do. God Bless.


I had just finished hanging out with a couple of my buddies. We were all a bit tipsy and we figured it was best to get home quick before we got really high. I walked out of the bar first missing a few steps as I made my way to the cab zone. “where to,oga?” said a cab dude waiting outside the Bar. “New Crescent… Drop me at the white building right after New crescent hospital”. “oga na 600 oh” . “no problem” I said. He entered his car and told me to enter. As I staggered a lil bit towards the cab, I tripped over a stone and fell. I felt blood on my head but I assumed it was a lil bruise. I tried getting up but I couldn’t. My whole body was weak. Just then another cab behind the one I was bout to enter started to reverse. Its tires were headed straight for my head. I tried using my last strength to get up but I was too tired. This was it. I was going to die “tired”. As the tires rolled towards my head everything became slow & dark. Very dark. Taye Taiwo dark. All of a sudden I saw a bright white light and walked towards it & then my life flashed right in front of me. *pause* I hope u’re playing the soundtrack for this post at the moment. U are? Cool. *unpause* As my life flashed in front of me, a certain memory played out.


It was 24th of September. A month ago precisely and I was cruising round town when I got to a police check-point. I wound down, threw 20bucks at the cops, wound back up and looked foward expecting them to hail me and let me pass. I was wrong. I mean, what the fuck was I thinking. I got pulled over and was asked to step out. I refused and they pulled out their guns. Their boss who was a crippled mofacker rolled up in his wheelchair and ordered his men to throw me in their van and jail me. I immediatedly showed them this picture.

“I’ve got 5 passports I’m never going to jail” *In Hov’s Voice*

“wetin this one mean?” the crippled boss asked in a pissed tone. I replied him in my best Jay-Z voice ” I’ve got 5 passports im never going to jail 🙂 “. “wetin this guy dey talk? 😐 “ came the boss’ reply as he looked at his men with a confused face. They seemed confused as well. Obviously them mofos had been sleeping on Hov & Kanye’s “Otis”. “look guys” I said as I decided to play the whole thing down “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I am…” “got off on the wrong foot? You’re making fun of me cos im crippled. Boys take him to the hole”. The next thing I saw was a clenched fist heading straight towards my face and that was all I remembered. The next thing I woke up in a room filled with a little crew known as the “peck-ass crew”. They were taking turns to rape each other as ordered by a person I assumed was a prison guard. They called each other by their nicknames as they engaged in such zeemish behavior. Lemonade, Hot Fur, Marble, Spliff and Tangerine. Tangerine seemed tough at first but all of a sudden he started weeping like a lil bitch as Hot Fur began to have his way with him through the “back door”.

Disclaimer: Similarities between these characters and several real life characters are purely coincidental. Lemonade IS NOT @Okem_daniels. Hot Fur IS NOT @Vicater. Marble IS NOT @Tunrayoadams. Spliff IS NOT @Thisiscurio and Tangarine IS NOT @Waalley.

A certain old man in the cell seemed to be smiling. He told me a ridiculous story bout how he was offered 3.5M to sell his account on a social network and he refused claiming he couldn’t exchange his only source of orgasm for any amount of money in the world. I wasn’t bothered bout his story. I was bothered bout the fact that the prison guard was now talking to the peck-ass crew in a low tone while looking at me with nothing but pure “evilness” in his eyes. Spliff was ordered to rape me. He smiled as he was ordered to. I immediately threw a punch at him but the whole peck-ass crew rushed me and pinned me down. Tangerine was still sobbing in a corner tho. I struggled and managed to get to my feet and ….

“Oga. Oga wake up. Hian.” … I woke up and looked around. I saw the two cabdrivers fanning me. I guess the second dude hit the brake on time. I was alive. Thank God we’ll never know how that story ended. ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

N/B y’all little faggets can go ahead and delete that track. I know some of u gon be playing that shit & night. Some o’ y’all even gon’ make it ur ringtones as well. Smh.

    • Roteame
    • October 25th, 2011

    Gosh afta the long wait. *okay lemme read*

    • Roteame
    • October 25th, 2011

    LMAO. I just sent ur name to my pastor, he shld be giving u a spiritual call soon.
    Nice post.

    • Kevmeister
    • October 25th, 2011

    Read before u comment na…thirsty folk -___-

    • terdoh
    • October 25th, 2011

    *sigh* The stupidity in that Otis verse.

    It’s been a long while since I came here. Glad you’ve not forgotten about your blog.
    Good post Chyke. Nice passports.
    Now send daddy a dirty DM. 🙂

  1. Buuuhahaha….@ 5 passports!!!!!

    • iam_dQ
    • October 25th, 2011

    5 passports yeah? LOL.
    Mad boy..

    Lovely post..

    • Kevmeister
    • October 25th, 2011

    The song actually made d story almost touching…NOT! We know u eventually got raped so no need telling us d end haha…This mo’fo’s life was saved by the “break” of a cab ^_^ Praise be to God…this is fictional right? Right? Right?!!! “I’ve got five passports so I’m never going to jail” Chike do quick nd die u hear nigga? -___-

    • U really want me to die fast? Really? .. That’s what I thought.. U don’t. ({})

        • Kevmeister
        • October 25th, 2011

        ( .__.)

    • @trafels
    • October 25th, 2011

    Lol @ “Got off on the wrong foot” ….we all know how the story ended 😐

    • AcMilanKidd
    • October 25th, 2011

    Lmao! @ 5 passports….

    • whoistunde
    • October 25th, 2011

    Hahahahahah, y u gotta call my nigga Tangerine though?

    • ayojoibukun
    • October 25th, 2011

    Hahaha just DIE u nigga!!! “Taye taiwo black;got off d wrong foot; u’ve got 5 passports…” Those lil fruits should have just sampled u LOL!! Nice!!!

    • @MissNickiMaraj
    • October 25th, 2011

    LOL! Funny stuff… (Y) ooh n of course you were raped. :p

    • Verb
    • October 25th, 2011

    Lmao!…tangerine was sobbing..I guess his own juice got in his eyes and made him cry. Buhahaha

    • vicarter
    • October 25th, 2011

    CHIKE NWOYE!!! What is this???-_- Lmao

    • Daisy
    • October 25th, 2011

    Smh… The kinna help you need hasn’t been made yet.

    • tobz
    • October 25th, 2011

    LOOOL… Peck-Ass-Crew…. Some might look at it as Kiss Ass Crew, but I know you meant PEKAS; the popular ashana joint in Opebi, (Jolly Friends second branch) ….. I’ve always known Okem was a gay stripper -_-

    • Ikhizama
    • October 25th, 2011

    Just discovered u don’t need help but deliverance straight from heaven.

    • Giovanni Casavanno
    • October 25th, 2011

    LOL ..peck-ass crew! 5 passports! Funny stuff. Read this shit at lunch and I almost choked when I saw the crew names: lemonade, marble? Hahaha

    • Iyphab
    • October 25th, 2011

    *Sprinkling holy water* and locking my imagination, i refuse to play the rest of ur jailtime in my head.

    • blakk zaar
    • October 25th, 2011

    Nice soundtrack, very nice

    • Onafuye
    • October 25th, 2011

    Trust tobe to know the ashana joint.customer like no other

    • danny
    • October 25th, 2011

    So dat nigger really cryed?! Damn

    • okem_daniels
    • October 25th, 2011

    Fuck chike nd dis stupid ass post.

    • okem_daniels
    • October 25th, 2011

    Fuck chike nd dis stupid ass post and errm ┌П┐(▶_◀)┌П┐ tobe …

    • curio
    • October 25th, 2011

    Lmao….chike GOD will punish u peck-ass crew n d nicknames tangerine n u jst had 2 unleash d secret of dat song

  2. I thank God for my life… *all is well, all is well*
    See a psychiatrist ASAP.

    • folarin
    • October 26th, 2011

    Dis dude is jst crazy,’wrong foot’?really? U̶̲̥̅̊ didn’t suffer enuf mehn. Tangerine…’everyone has a break point’–jack bauer,so dnt worry about it

    • radiokiller
    • October 27th, 2011

    Chike….u r a bloody basterd…..lmao @ the sound track! I actually DL’d dt shit crazy ass mofo!

    • FreakyJoANgel
    • October 28th, 2011

    but no be this kind ‘passport’ oga Jay-Jay dey talk about na 😦

    • Alf_redd
    • October 29th, 2011

    smh smh smh smh smh!!! The end is nigh

    • Mz_Shadee
    • October 29th, 2011

    Lmaooooooo *tears* u need bright red and green candles for prayers. *smh*

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