Welcome fellas (& Ladies like @MizMaybach that are so cool they watch the beautiful game) to the footie mock awards. I think the name “Footie Mock Awards” speaks for itself. Errrr, before I start, I wanna share this dream I had last night with y’all. A blind coach got a job at Niger Tornados as the head coach. During his first training session with the team he gave his team the following instructions: “I want you guys to always go deep. Go hard. Make sure you score from crosses. Your heads are important. Alright boys, show me y’all are tough men”. The coach (who as u can remember is blind) quit his job immediately after the training session after he heard his players saying the following… “Yusuf go DEEP! Go DEEP! I go give u BALLS. Make sure you use better HEAD” … “Ogbeni PULL OUT!! PULL OUT!! Come, Kunle why don’t you like PULLING OUT on time”… Poor blind coach thought his players were going all Neil Patrick on the pitch. Anyways, forget that. Let’s get down to bidnes.


Robin Van Persie

And the winner is…. ROBIN VAN PERSIE!!! While Fabio Capello has made his dislike for Andy Carroll’s drinking habit public & of course we know of Ballotelli’s as well, there is no doubt that this award belongs to Arsenal’s skipper who has “hit the bar” no less than 26 times in the last 2 years. By the way, shout out to the lil fagget that said something like this on a song.


Mrs Fuck-The-Law

And the award goes to… Mrs Juanita Albiol. Aii I know this doesn’t really concern football but lemme explain. Mrs Juanita Albiol is a Spanish midwife who helped Mrs Mata (Chelsea’s Juan Mata’s mum) deliver all her kids. Apparently Mrs Juanita Albiol “took Matas(matters) into her own hands”.


A really close race. Here are some of the actors (mad ass divers) that were nominated.

Luiz Suarez In the Uruguay Vs Ghana thriller

Marcelo in action for Real Madrid.

And the award goes to… SERGIO BUSQUETS for his role in various El-Classicos reulting in the sending-off of opposition payers. When it comes to acting, Al Pacino aint got shit on Him.

Awwww... Poor Busquets. He looks really hurt. 😦

wait wait…..

huh?!… Zoom That shit!!



Judging by their performance last season, this award goes to Man Utd who FUCKED alota teams up last season as they won the EPL for a record 19th time. Thanks to various COMEBACKS. Get it? CUM BACK? Man Utd FUCKED alota teams up? CUM BACK? We CAME on their BACKS? Not funny? *sigh* Moving On.


And the Final award for the night goes to …. FERNANDO “EL-NINO” TORRES!!! Now while Torres has been at the butt-end of loads of mean jokes I have seen a good thing in the Spaniard. He is focused. We all know even if you give him “20” chances he still wouldn’t “score” but check this out. When Fernando Torres signed for Chelsea he had “one goal” in mind which was to become a huge success and guess what, last season he had… wait for it… “ONE GOAL” in all competitions. .. FOCUS!! At the beginning of this season he had only “one goal” in mind which was to prove to everyone that he wasn’t a flop at Chelsea and so far how many goals does he have?… you got that right… “ONE GOAL”. So when he missed that chance against Man Utd and all y’all were dissing him, I saw a focused footballer. FOCUS!!

So there you have it. The Footie Mock Award. Join us again next time. *Shuts down handheld device & relocates to Zimbabwe*

    • whoistunde
    • September 24th, 2011

    Hahahahahaa..nice post..d ‘mrs-fuck-the-law’ got me laughing

  1. Sergio biscuits….basterd!,did you see that sly smile on his face?…basterd

    • terdoh
    • September 24th, 2011

    “Focus!!! One goal in mind!!”

    “Took Matas into her own hands.”

    And those diving pictures. Makes it look like the Olympics!!

    Wow Chike. You should open a sports blog yo! You’re good with the football jokes.

    • 😀 … *bows* Thanks my mentor. it’ll prolly be a section on clowns&frowns. 🙂

    • Manqind
    • September 24th, 2011

    “One goal” “one goal” jokes for years as long as he keeps focus! Damn! The piece is too hillarious… With the way you went on about the dead comeback joke… I await more awards.

    • iboybitch
    • September 24th, 2011

    Holds crotch, then….Lmaorotf. RJ you’re just an unrepentant fool. Too many punchlines, can’t even pick a fav.

    • okem_daniels
    • September 24th, 2011

    Nice one o..taking shots at sergio

    • layo
    • September 24th, 2011

    Ur evil! ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ) “hit the bar”? Loool! That joke on torres was mean =)) good work,Shike 😀

    • SlevinCalevra
    • September 24th, 2011

    I wonder why Arsenal didn’t win any awards though. Why pity us so? 😦

    • verb
    • September 24th, 2011

    chike i’ma get u and sergio gon’ go all hollywood on ur black ass. watch ur ‘back’. i got ma eyes on u

    • misguided ghost
    • September 24th, 2011

    LOL ..Busquets part was real funny. ‘Bout EL NINO *sigh* I think he is finished. Let’s see how the game against swansea goes today. “Pride of London” *ghost fades*

    • sholly
    • September 24th, 2011

    the award u struck out lmao!!!!! u be fool i swear

    • Quincy
    • September 24th, 2011

    I guess you ain’t called theinsanephenom for nothing. nice one (y)

    • Onafuye
    • September 24th, 2011

    @Verb black ass?how u take know?bladdy faggets u n Nwoye Pikin r.tueh!

    • Mafioso
    • September 24th, 2011

    Lmao………leave busquets o

    • ayojoibukun
    • September 24th, 2011

    Hahahaha nice one!! “One goal” got me rolling! Nigga would rule a country well!! Lol

    • AlterMason
    • September 24th, 2011

    The Dream you ‘had’ …….not a nice picture al all 😦 😦 😦 nightmares for days 😦

    Then Sergio Busquets……..bloody hell! I can’t stop laughing. Hahahahahaha. This is awesome. At least an Arsenal Player won something

    • tobz
    • September 24th, 2011

    This wasn’t funny atol… Rubbish… I’m highly disappointed in you Chike, of all posts this was the worst… You dare crown the post with Torres?!?! You’ve crossed the line nigga… I’d get you for this, don’t worry. WE CHEL SEA (shall see)

    • Zee
    • September 24th, 2011

    Lmfaooo – ‘Pull Out’ ‘Pull Out’ – *smh* Chike Repent!!

    • tobz
    • September 24th, 2011

    This wasn’t funny at all… Rubbish… I’m highly disappointed in you Chike, of all posts this was the worst… You dare crown the post with Torres?!?! You’ve crossed the line nigga… I’d get you for this, don’t worry. WE CHEL SEA (shall see)

    • tobzville
    • September 24th, 2011

    What is the meaning of this? This wasn’t funny at all… Rubbish… I’m highly disappointed in you Chike, of all posts this was the worst… You dare crown the post with Torres?!?! You’ve crossed the line nigga… I’d get you for this, don’t worry. WE CHEL SEA (shall see)

    • @teddymac10
    • September 25th, 2011

    Lol!! Nice one bruv!! I especially like RVP’s award. So far d liqour keeps him scoring. A real Gooner!! Lol…..

    • forlarin
    • September 27th, 2011

    chike…two words ;ItWasNiceSha iLaffedSmall

    • forlarin
    • September 27th, 2011

    teddy am wif u on dat one

  1. December 10th, 2011

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