Since today is my birthday, I’ve decided to show y’all the other side of me. People say I only yarn dust on my blog. Niggas be telling me shit like “Chyk u need to write deep stuff”. Well today’s ur lucky day. In fact, no more yarning of dust from me anymore and like that picture above clearly shows…. I’m turning over a new LEAF. 😐

By the way big shout out to my birthday mates @muna_nz & @I_R_Kevmeister.. y’all are still lil faggets tho. For those of u expecting a picture of my buttocks cos I said “I’ve decided to show y’all the OTHER SIDE of me” … una no well. Seriously, grow up. Without further ado, the story of my 17th birthday.(24th Aug,2010)


I got up from my knees and took a deep breath. As I exhaled, I smiled and walked to my toilet and sat on my superbowl and immediately started moving my bowels. I hoped God would answer my prayer requests I had just prayed about a few minutes earlier. I replied the 4 new twitter mentions I had just received. I could already feel this my birthday was gon’ be special. As I got up from my superbowl and was washing my hands, I heard a mild knock on the door and recognized it immediately. It was Ndifreke, our house girl & of course I knew what it meant… BIRTHDAY COITUS!!! I opened the door, smiling like I was Mazi & I had just been offered a job by JAMB.

As Ndifreke entered, I leaned forward to kiss her but she gave me the “shi-back” move.

*pause* The “shi-back” or the “shift-back” move is that shit y’all ladies do when a nigga be tryna kiss u. y’all be throwing ur face away from a nigga like he shit. Y’all better stop that. That’s some ol’ bullshit. It’s of the devil. *unpause*

“What’s wrong Ndifreks?” I said in absolute dismay

“I’ve been spitting since yesterday. I’m sure you know what that means” she replied.

“Yes, I do” I said in a sarcastic tone “It means you finally want to start rapping. I always knew you could rap dear. Now give me some sugar”.


“woah! U slapped me? It’s my fucking birthday” I said in a perplexed voice. “Do you even… wait wait, ROLE PLAYING!!!” i said in relief. “You almost got me there”

“Chike be serious for once jor. I’m pregnant. That’s why I’ve been spitting since”.

I froze. My almost erect male reproductive organ shrunk. A cold feeling traveled from the back of my neck, down my spine & through my butt-crack. I was going to be a father. I was just 17. I started to remember my encounter with Ndifreke.


Ndifreke was a sucker for Mr Biggs’ meat pie and I had just found out. One day, a few days before my birthday, I tip-toed to her room in the middle of the night when I was perfectly sure my folks were asleep. I didn’t knock but opened the door gently.

“What are you doing here oga pikin” she said in a shocking but yet an its-about-time-voice.

“shhhhh… your voice is too loud” I quickly replied “here, I brought you Mr Biggs meat pie” I said as I stretched to give her the meat pies.

Her guard was automatically down. She rushed the pies in about 60 seconds. As she walked to the bathroom to wash her hands I followed her closely. {@Gimmatti if u’re reading this I don’t mean I’m ffn @her_closely }

“You know why I’m here, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know. No one buys me meat pie by 12:44am for nothing”

This was going to be the easiest piece of ass I was ever going to get. 2 meat pies. Ha! I leaned forward and ki.. wait wait, did I fail to mention that Ndifreke was no ordinary house girl. Mehn, she was hot as hell. She understood igbo very well. Ass like one of my unskinny friend, boobs like a female friend of mine that is a boss and a face like a freaky angel. Dig? Ha!

We made out passionately for about 2 minutes as I gently caressed her body but then she stopped.

“I’m sorry oga pikin”

“Please, call me Chike or RJ”

“Okay, Shike I’m sorry but you’ll have to do more than 2 meat pies to get some of me”

Blue Balls (every straight nigga’s nightmare) was about to poke its head into my life. I said no. I was determined. I wasn’t going to jerk off tonight.

“I can only suck you off or allow you to dry hump”

“Dry hump?? Are you ok?”

“Look, that’s the best I can do. I’m not a loose bitch”

“Ndifreke” I said in a calm agrofied voice “I promise to treat you like a waitress

“Huh?! What does that even mean?” came Ndifreke’s reply

“I’ll give you JUST THE TIP”

The dumb bitch believed me. We started making out again and then I started to take her blouse off.

“I like it rough” she whispered into my ears as she licked it a lil.

I did the Hulk Hogan on her and tore her blouse. Popped that brassiere… Ma bad, “bra”… Popped that bra & her boobs fell out.

“Use me. Abuse me. Use me ABUSE ME…USE ME. AB…”

“u sef calm down na. my mama & papa dey sleep. U wan make dem catch us” I said in a pissed tone.

She turned on the shower so that the noise it made could soak up her moaning. I started sucking on her right tittie. She moaned slowly. I slipped my index finger and middle finger into her VJJ and starter to pinger her the aboki style.

“Bite my nipple a little” she whispered into my ears.

I did exactly that and then pushed her under the shower. I immediately off’d her payint and inserted my union bank (big,strong,reliable) into her cat. Back and forth I kept thrusting. Just the tip kor,just the top ni. Mcheew.

“Chimo! Chimo!” She moaned in Igbo.

My Alomo was working. 😀 For the sake of my friends fasting, I shall not go into details.. Or have I? ..Minutes later, she moaned loudly…

“Nnabia.. nnabia” which is igbo for “I’m cumming.. I’m cumming”.

*Pause* I’m not razz in person. I really aint. I’m as Posh as… Well, I won’t say Beckham’s Wife but u get my point tho. *unpause*

As we gazed into each others eyes it hit me… I didn’t use a rubber. I mean who in the…


“Wake up Chike. Come and drive me to work. I’m almost late.” Said my mother.

I looked around. Confused as shit. It was all a dream. The whole experience was a big fucking dream. I was still a virgin. 😦

    • @TheRealAdonye
    • August 23rd, 2011


    • theweirdfashionista
    • August 23rd, 2011

    You’re a fool for this one! Loooool!! Nnabia! *smh*

    • okem_daniels
    • August 23rd, 2011

    Lwkm…balla u no get sense..looool

    • Dea
    • August 23rd, 2011

    LMAO!!!!!! I av no words 4 u again! Ur case is beyond redemption, even yaba left cant help…Lol…Happy Birthday dough…muah!

    • MzChique
    • August 23rd, 2011

    Hahahaha…omfdzz,this is so funny!!

    • tobz
    • August 23rd, 2011

    Lmfaooo…. Oh dear
    Zim’s gonna pay for this your konji … 😦

  1. Fuck u lil fruit lmao!

  2. It was just dream.


    Eyah, I know how you feel. I’m a virgin too. 😐

    Happy Birthday. 😀

      • terdoh
      • August 24th, 2011

      stop am…if na joke, stop am.

    • #TeamWaiTillMarriage 🙂 … But “UNIONBANKOLOLOLOL!!!” Tho… Hahahahah (y)

  4. hehehehe..dis got me rolling mehn…..nyc 1.. happy birthday btw..

  5. Shike haff spoil my fast today o!! LWKM

    Awesome one, I think u need help!!!

    • @AcMilanKidd
    • August 24th, 2011

    Lmaoooooooooo!!!!! Guy…..!!!!!

    • terdoh
    • August 24th, 2011

    Chyke…this “Just the tip” line, I’ve heard it before. But I was the victim. 😀

    Nice post men…and happy birthday.

    Damn virgo.

      • missmisan
      • August 24th, 2011

      You were the victim??this doesn’t seem right

    • Haha! Serious? See me feeling like I came up with smfn cool.. 😦 … Thanks bro

    • *pause* u were the victim????????

        • terdoh
        • August 26th, 2011

        yeah. I was the victim. Sad story really. I’ll probably blog about it. When I get over it.

    • freakyjoangeL
    • August 24th, 2011

    Ff @her_closely?!!…WTf?..
    Nnabia!!!….and a face like freaky angel huh?!!…LMAO!! Shike..how do i know you?!!
    ….. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE….. Xoxo.. 😛

    • Mafioso
    • August 24th, 2011


    Happy birthday bruv. Age gracefully

  6. Chike…..LOOOOOL…..i know say you dey dey follow @her_closely na…..I AM SMART na 😦

  7. Chike…..LOOOOOL…..i know say you no dey follow @her_closely na…..I AM SMART na 😦

    • @yinkadelakes
    • August 24th, 2011

    hehehe..shike u b mumu

    • MsDuro
    • August 24th, 2011

    Happy birthday my one and only patient… I pray God’s blessing into ur life and wish u d very best… Many more years ahead…

    Nice post as usual…

    • missmisan
    • August 24th, 2011

    Choi!and I’m fasting o….LWKMD!!!Nnabia??that’s crazy,buahahahaha

    • Andhiii
    • August 24th, 2011

    Happy Birthday hun!

    • Verb
    • August 24th, 2011

    Chike to be honest, this is ur funniest post ever!, is it just me or ur housegirl seems to have a fresh side. ‘ndifreks’? *faints*..plus i have a surprise for u that shall rid u of ur virginity…a drag queen, he shall open ur yansh, no snitching X_X *runs away*

    • Top praise from u dawg… ┏(^_^)┘└(^_^ )┓└(^_^)┘┏(^_^)┓ … But fuck u tho. Drag queen kor.. Hahaha

    • Onafuye
    • August 24th, 2011

    S/O to all dem housegirls evrywhr disvirgining young men.God will make em bigger

  8. Nice…happy birthday

  9. Pinger her? L000000L…..*Ghadafi tears*…..Lmao…..can’t believe this. He actually turned an actual leaf. Choi! ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡)

    • saundrachux
    • August 24th, 2011

    Lmfao!!1st tym m readin ur blogg!!totally love it..:D bet nnabia??serzly??lmao

    • radiokiller
    • August 24th, 2011

    Chike……u need helep…..cos help won’t be enuff! :(. Why u go actually use dat picture? U need Jesus, Kneel down, open ur mouth and let him come into ur life

  10. 9ce, but mst err blogger tlk abt sex ??? @ lst urs was nnngba… funi dou.

  11. haha this is real good though. happy birthday =)

  12. i know say i owe you wordplay….you gast chill first….LOL

  13. Interesting read (Y)


  15. Glad u r insane….vindicates me!dis post…….SMH!I have no words!!! (Y) tho…. 🙂

    • zeem
    • August 24th, 2011

    i swear this is the funniest post ive read in a long time…..ur a very foolish GIRL chike….”pinger” WTF??

    • Vicarter
    • August 24th, 2011

    Sha don’t forget that you left u payint in my house….u knw what Tish can do na…lol…funny blog…u cant av sense if u continue this way…wtf is “Nnabia.. nnabia”??? smh

    • miss boss
    • August 24th, 2011

    Happy birthday darling. Hilarious post. Lmfao. I guess ur off ur meds. I wish you d best as always. Hopefully u wld get disvirgined by ipenko. Lol

    • M
    • August 28th, 2011

    Hey! Happy birthday in arrears! #teamvirgo and things lol. Don’t mind me, this is my first time on your blog and this post was mad funny. Loved the nnabia bit, had me rolling. Have to pray for forgiveness since i’m fasting x_x.

    I’ve been kinda stalking you :$, thought you were a Gerald i know but i’m not too sure seeing as you have different birthdays. If you aren’t him then wow! The resemblance is ridiculous. Hope you reply. 🙂

    • Joy
    • August 29th, 2011

    Hahahahaha!!! Shike o! Nnabia ke? Hahahaha!

    • paulswagz
    • September 3rd, 2011

    BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! jes reading this…..u serzli nid help oooo 😀

  16. lolololololol. made my bloody night. hahahaha

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