THE RJ SHOW: SEASON PREMIERE

@tobiMrLong: *Adjusts Director’s Chair* Yo Chyk you’ve got 30 seconds and then we go live… Chyk!! CHYK!!!!

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: *Pauses Eminem & Royce Da 5’9”s “Hell: The Sequel” album playing on iPod* Say what?!

@tobiMrLong: we’re live in … *checks watch* 24 seconds

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Aii.. *Says a lil Prayer to himself while a make-up artist adjusts his tie & suit*

17 SECONDS LATER

@tobiMrLong: Aii Chyk.. We’re live in 1, 2, 3, 4….

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Whoa! Ain’t it meant to be “5, 4, 3, 2, 1”?

@tobiMrLong: Oh shit!! The Kid is 19… forgive me… My bad… Aii, we’re live in… Oh wait, we’re live already

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Shit! Ooops!!… Umm.. WELCOME LADIES, GENTLEMEN & LIL FRUITS TO “THE RJ SHOW” sponsored by O!Noodles & MTN… “We’re all about serving you crap”. Special thanks to @Toden09 for the designs. More hairs to your armpit bro, I really appreciate it. Once again, welcome to the season premiere of The RJ Show, the first ever blog-show… I think. @exschoolnerd I told you I was gon’ get my own show, didn’t I? *Adjusts cuff link*… hehehe … I would love to introduce myself to y’all that don’t know me. I’m Chyk “RJ” El-Farooq & that’s all you need to know about me. I don’t wanna bore you with my life history so let’s get on with the show. Each episode, we’ll ask a question & presents would be given out to 2 random winners. Answers should be tweeted at me or left in the comment box. Today’s question is:

Let W=3, O=8 & D=6… if you’re in a forest & in need of fire for warmth, what will you do if your math teacher asks you to “Find the LOG of WOOD”?? -_-

Now, without further ado, I’ll like to introduce our 1st ever guest on The RJ Show. He’s a JAMB question specialist, a renowned ballz yarner, Mazi himself… Ladies & Gentlemen PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOOOOOR… @TweetOracle

*Audience applaud as @TweetOracle gets to the stage, waves & Shakes @ChykElfarooq_RJ *

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Mazi!! Such an honour to have you on the show as the first guest ever. Please have a seat. I must say, your agent was being such a butthole while negotiating the terms for your appearance but when I told him I could get you a post as the Board Chairman of common Entrance (os uyo ucodl aks lli ikds lkie uoyreslf uqseonits) he couldn’t resist.

@TweetOracle: I guess I’m blessed, huh?! Well, don’t you think it’s time for you to start the show?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: :S umm… yea… I guess… so Mazi, I’ve always wanted to ask, what inspires you to dedicate 9/10 of your daily tweets to asking questions? Do you jerk off to yellow bars?

@TweetOracle: Are you stupid? Do you know the origin of the word stupid? Did you start this show just to get nominated for the bloggers award? You want to ride my dick ‘cos I’ve got over 4000 followers & you’re stuck on 300? You called me here to diss me yea?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: No! No! You’re getting it all wrong Mazi. I just thought it’ll be fun to interview you ‘cos I really dig your persona. I’m sorry if you feel offended. I just wanted to… is that a flash drive round your neck? First a head-warmer in this weather & now a flash drive (round you neck)

@TweetOracle: So what if it is? It is 16GB I hope you know?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: err…

@TweetOracle: How many MBs are in 1GB?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: 1024MB… but I…

@TweetOracle: A1. Who invented the flash drive?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Dude, Chill…

@TweetOracle: F9 + Expulsion. Why is it advised to safely remove a flash drive before pulling it out of the port?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: DUDE, Chill…

@TweetOracle: How many USB ports were in the first ever Dell laptop?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: DUDE CHILL!! This is MY show… MY show… I ask the questions not you… Jeez!! Do you realize that everything you’ve said thus far on the show has ended with a question mark?

@TweetOracle: *sad face* ??

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: ‘Tf? A question mark on a sad face? Holy boobs of Cosy!! … *sigh* anyway, we have a caller on the air waiting to ask you a question… @exothermic_KV you’re on the air…

@exothermic_KV: Good Evening … Yo Mazi, why do you have so many questions for the world? One can only assume you were sexually abused by a relative or…

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: *Interrupts* Mr. Kevin, we do not permit abusive questions here. It’s my duty to protect my guests & by God I’ll do that. If you don’t like his tweets unfollow & mute him. Don’t phone in & …

@TweetOracle: can I handle this, please? Exothermic, as in “Heat” yea? What’s the unit of measurement for Heat?

@ChykElfarooq_RJ & @exothermic_KV: Here we go again

@TweetOracle: What date did LeBron James decide he was joining Miami Heat? What…

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: *pulls out tranquilizer & Shoots @TweetOracle on the neck* Waste of my mofacking time. I should have had @exschoolnerd on the show instead. *sigh* Join us again next week on The RJ Show where our guest would be none other than the legendary… you know what, I’ll just surprise y’all instead. From our studio here in Yaba-Left its Chyk saying goodnight & God bless. Oh & remember, don’t take anything we say here personal, it’s just crap like O!Noddles & MTN… 😐 … Goodnight you Lil Fruits.

*Theme song plays (Kangpe By Nneka)*

@tobiMrLong: Aaaaand Cut… it’s a wrap!!

@TweetOracle: *using last strength* Avenge me… Pr…prr…praying mantis… *passes out*









@TweetOracle: ??

Posted with WordPress for Sagem X-5 😐

    • Onafuye
    • June 13th, 2011

    Nwoye Pikin.I feel deep sadness for Pa Nwoye.

    • the kid bionic
    • June 13th, 2011

    Hahahahahahaha.. Sh*t. This is funny. Nice post

    • lasgidiboi
    • June 13th, 2011

    Shekay…….u r fool 4 dis 1!

    • @yinkadelakes
    • June 13th, 2011

    oh its d sagem x-5 tym abi..y cant u just leave my fone alone eh…in all…as usual..u killed it..dts y we r frnd innit?..lol

  1. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

  2. Chyke ȋ̝̊̅ƨ̣̇ this what life holds for yhu…the show ȋ̝̊̅ƨ̣̇ on bro and ‘A̶̲̥̅♏ willing to be the next guest

    • Lol
    • June 13th, 2011

    Funny Stuff!!!

    • WoleJR
    • June 13th, 2011

    Hahahahahahaha…..wait…hahahahahahaha…

    • tobz
    • June 13th, 2011

    LOOOL…. Ur damn retarded brov. But nice piece I’m “motivated”

    • Wumie
    • June 13th, 2011

    Lwkmd! Bet Chike u have offended the oracle 😦

    • MsDuro
    • June 13th, 2011

    I’m glad my prayers got answered!!!
    Chike my boy, I knw say 1 day u go make me proud!!!
    Cnt wait for d nxt show….
    Dis is hw its starts b4 long we go dey see u 4 TV… I sha hope I’ll b allowed to famz den!! -___-

    • missmisan
    • June 13th, 2011

    Lmfao,u need help

    • @musamaestro
    • June 13th, 2011

    Hahahah…this is hilarious..”Headwarmer nd flash”..typical of tweetoracle

    • Frankie!!
    • June 13th, 2011

    Chike, u nid help bt I love u all dsame… Lwkmd!!

    • Lol_itsTumi
    • June 13th, 2011

    this is so fucking funny?? Who ever wrote this blog is madt?? ℓ☺ℓ?… This is some mind blowing shit mein..c4 + explosion. Hahha?

    • sholly
    • June 13th, 2011

    Hahahahahahaha! *coughs* hahahahaha! #okbye

  3. Lool..sike!! Welldone as usual (Y)

    • ibetapassmynebo
    • June 13th, 2011

    buahahahahaha…ds is funny…crazy…lmfao!

    • @tunrayoadams
    • June 13th, 2011

    Ma rummate 4 yrs (nw I’m famzin), I knw wiv time, u wl do it big

    • hehehe… Tunry,which one be famzing? u talk say i be ur roommate for 4 yrs u cme add “famzing” again?… loool ..u no well o…tanx sha (Y)

    • okem_daniels
    • June 13th, 2011

    My boy go soon hammer…nice one

    • Kevin
    • June 13th, 2011

    Bwahahahahaha…Kai!!! Chike sha…Nice one!

    • @DREWBABA
    • June 13th, 2011

    FAINTS, U PPLE WLD NT KILL ME ON TWITTER

    • zeem
    • June 13th, 2011

    to have me on this show….(No sex pun intended)….ull have to promise ull give Ur life to Christ (my father) first 🙂

    • Seriously? Give my soul to @Lucifer_The_I ? Buhahaha!! … I’ll pass mehn… i’ll just drag u (from hell) to d show if i have to….

  4. This is really cool. I really love your blog. Will be coming back

  5. #classic. perfect description of @Tweetoracle from the unending questions to the constipated attitude *drag queen*. still cant stop rotflmao. nice post.

    • Oyindamola
    • June 13th, 2011

    LWKMD!!!!

    • @Banks_adel
    • June 13th, 2011

    Lovely write up ! Love this ‘os uyo ucodl aks lli ikds lkie uoyreslf uqseonits)’ and the whole concept !! *Clicks*Notify me of new posts via email*

    • terdoh
    • June 15th, 2011

    Chyke, @TweetOracle is going to have you hanged! I’ve already done TIME for my post, now this?? You’re in trouble!!! (And now, because of you, my roommate thinks I’m psycho!) UNFAIR! You’re a fucktard sha! The post is mad!!! (And wetin be d answer to the Jamb question wey you put sef?)

    • My mentor,na u train me na,wetin u expect… hehehe… tanx mate (y) … & as for d question,even Mazi himself doznt knw d answer… -_-

  6. JESUS!!! I can’t stop laughing!!!

  7. Hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhahaha..!!!! LMAO..! Chyk,whaaaat?? Btw O! Noodles.? Hahaaha.. Can’t stop laughing.! Flash drive part and the miami heat..oh the part where he tries again after being tranquillised…my fav.! 😀

  8. LMFAO..! Chyk,you have lost it ey???? I’m telling you, I Can’t stop laughing.! Flash drive part cracked me up real bad.! O! Noodles..crap and nothing but crap indeed.! 😐 And the miami heats part too.! 😀

  9. rotfllllllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooooo…………… i literarily am i swear! i am in tears laffing……….. this is too funny! i jst read d chrismas blog too and i had to laff, cry, be sad, be happy! you made my morning. this is an awesome job. as mad as you are, i am more than grateful i met you. ‘Mr. Awesome The First’, new christening frm me.

    • My sweeerie.. :* :* … I’m blushn lyk a lil fagget rite nw o… tanx dear,glad u enjoyd it… & yea,dat Xmas blog,lool… deep fns.

  10. when W= 3. O= 8. D= 6.
    therefore, wood = 3886
    therefore, the log of wood = log3886
    which is = 3.5895028……
    with these calculations, and we had to find wood to keep warm in the forest with the math teacher, i wldnt av been on that math camp in the 1st place but if i were there by mistake, i would just look to the woods and get firewood cuz the solution to log is unknown. *sigh* #okbye

  11. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! i knew i was gonna nail it…….whats my present btw?

  12. Taa! Surprise ba wo? Tell us the gift jor!

    • @paulswagz
    • June 22nd, 2011

    =D Oga SHIKE!!! Ahh :O u haff lost it oooo….. =D; Rili nyc post dawg!

    • Kevin
    • July 5th, 2011

    U know I just read this post again…nd I saw the hidden message in d scribbled letters…*rolling* U are a MAD MAN!!!

    • Which hidden message in d scribbled letters? :s .. I know not what u speak of .. *nose grows longer* .. Hehehe

    • BLAKK ZAAR
    • June 10th, 2012

    LMAOOOOOO LIKE WHY AM I JUST READING THIS

  1. September 10th, 2011

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