THE FIRST OF THE ETERNAL BREED (A NiGGER IN NIGER. Vol 2)

NOTE: This blogpost is a blogumentary on a “fast growing” group of Nigerian-northerners popularly known as “Al-Majiris”. It is in no way meant to make fun of @Louis_The_XIII’s origin. Special appreciation goes to @MsBaey for her tremendous help on making this blogumentary a success. Thanks Hun. (:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(The Al-Majiris taking a pose for the Camera. Make no mistakes, them dey vex)

“We are here to stay. We’ve been overlook by a lot of Nigerians. We are been called dushbags by some people but one thing is for sure, we shall ruled this country. They called us the last of a dying breed but really, we are the first of an eternal breed. Kachi bura ubanku.” – P.R.O., Al-Majiri Society.

If you’ve ever lived in the Northern part of Nigeria you must have heard the word “Al-Majiri” which is a slang (Sorta) used to describe beggars (mainly young boys). ‘the hell!! Even if you haven’t been to the north you must have heard it somewhere. After all, we all know “Aboki” is used to describe Hausa men with little income & by the way, Aboki really means “Friend”. Serving in Niger State has exposed me to these Al-Majiris. Them niggaz are everywhere begging. Don’t get me wrong, I aint a greedy person but when you receive an E-Mail alert on ur phone & u quickly open it hoping it’s a DM notification from that hot chic only to realize ‘em beggars sent you a mail clearly stating that you should give them money or they’ll threat your fuck-up, believe me, you’ll get pissed. I began to wonder… Were these Al-Majiris highly sophisticated or was I hallucinating bout that mail? Were they immortal? Did they ever get sick? Dem dey brush mouth sef? Was it a thing of joy for an ex- Al-Majiri to see his off-springs become Al-Majiris as well? I needed answers to these questions & my quest for knowledge lead me to @MsBaey who helped out in my research. RJ also helped a bit. Without further ado, the story about their origin.

“Al-Majiri” originally means “Student” & not “beggar” like most of us use it. Now these students, usually from poor backgrounds, were sent to Mallams (Islamic Scholars) who volunteered to teach these students the Qur’an for free. Students would travel from across the north to learn from these scholars. Some even traveled from Chad & Niger Republic which explains those beggars that hold your hand and engage in a method popularly known as “By force begging” or “Ogbeni-drop-sontin-jor begging”. These students helped the scholars with their chores & all that as a sign of appreciation for the free tutoring. As time went on, these Mallams started making them work for others & making them beg for money for them (The Mallams). Well, that’s the real story.

Today, the word “Al-Majiri” is used to describe young male beggars who can easily be spotted in their scruffy clothes, holding plates & wearing Arsenal or Chelsea jerseys & in rare cases, Barcelona jerseys but NEVER & I repeat NEVER Man Utd Jerseys. Research shows that Al-Majiris are known for their great athletic abilities as they are always cut-off from breast sucking after just 4days & are introduced to street food like Kuli-kuli & Coconut after just 5days on earth which builds up their bones. They start to work after 3months & start begging at the tender age of 3months & 2 days. Due to the government’s failed attempts to cater for these people, they have been forced to form their own Political Party, Al-Majiri Congress Party (ACP). With all the negative images that have been placed on these innocent young boys by YOU heartless Nigerians, the Al-Majiris (though they spend alota time with each other) are the ONLY community worldwide that can boast of 100% heterosexuality with the exception of @Louis_The_XIII though. Statistics reveal that 21% of Al-Majiris rise above their demeaning childhood & grow to be small scale business men (Okada riding, Shoe-shining & sturvings). A poor but understandable 0.03% (equivalent of 2) of them turned out to be Nollywood actors who are precisely Gentle Jack & Clem Ohameze. (Yes, they both changed their names before they started acting). 5% grow up to be “Mei Kwalabe”. PS. If you know the meaning of “Mei Kwalabe” just forget, you’ll NEVER EVER be cream in ur life. That’s the razzest thing in this life. I found out the meaning while researching for this blogumentary so I guess I can still boast of my “Creamity”. An embarrassing 48% of them turn out to be Veteran beggars who instruct the young ones on how to beg with steez.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 (Clem Ohameze still hustling back in them dayz)

In an interview with @iITSFPRYME who is the ambassador of the Federal Republic of Nigeria to the Al-Majiri society, he had this to say…
@iITSFPRYME: The Al-Majiris’ plea for the government’s assistance has fall on deaf ears…

RJ: *“Fallen”… Sir

@iITSFPRYME: :$ .. Thank you. These young kids are have no home & spend their entire childhood hustling the streets & are thereby exposed to all sorts of things. They are annoy & are…

RJ: Haba na, *“annoyed”….

@iITSFPRYME: Do you want the fucking interview or not?!

RJ: Im so sorry sir.

@iITSFPRYME: Mcheew! You yellow faggot!! As I was saying, they are ANNOYED and are taking things personal. They already have presidential candidate lined-up for the 2015 election sponsored by the first Al-Majiri-international-soccer-star, Taye Taiwo (Real Name, Umaru Hussien Sadiq) hence, they should not be under estimated.


(Umaru Hussien Sadiq AKA Taye Taiwo)

Dear readers, the truth is, we might ignore these kids but statisticians believe that by 2015 their population would be about 380,000 and thus they gradually would have become a major force in Nigeria. Ladies and gentlemen, they are immortal, they have madt body odor, they beg, they have been abandoned by the Nigerian government, they are straight, they are experts in shot-put, they are …. THE FIRST OF THE ETERNAL BREED.

    • Frankie!!
    • June 14th, 2011

    *smh* Chyke o!! Dis pikin sef…

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