ROMEO & JULIET: THE GREAT MISUNDERSTANDING

**DEAR READERS, THIS BLOGPOST “MIGHT” CONTAIN GBAGAUNS. PLEASE IGNORE & ENJOY… AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN’T, PLEASE GO & COLLECT YOUR VISA FROM CHRIST EMBASSY. THANKS. -_-**

Police Officer: 911, what’s your emergency?
Young Man: Its .. its .. I .. I .. I would like to report a suicide.
Police Officer: Calm down sir. May I have your name & address of the death scene?
Young Man: No4 … No4 … No4 Thomas Del Luigi Drive.
Police Officer: And your name, sir?
Young Man: Monsieur ……….

*PAUSE*

Ok, I’m guessing y’all wanna read about the rest of that call but before that let me tell you about the story that lead to that call. The story goes back further than @iTSFPRYME’s hairline, precisely the 12th century. (Let’s just assume the tele-communication was that good back then). In the early 12th century a very fierce family vendetta arose between two of the most popular families in Italy, the Montague-Freaks & the Capulet-Nerds. The Montague-Freaks (@SirScribbles & @JaneClement) were “accused” of authorizing the murder of one of the members of the Capulet-Nerds’ (@ThePervNerd & @Exschoolnerd) Family member because of political reasons. The two families got into a huge public fight & never saw eye-to-eye after that because they lost their sight during the fight. -_-. This family vendetta was passed down to generations after them. The present Montague-Freaks (@IzienTheFreak & @Promisiano) & Capulet-Nerds (@NerdyGunner & @NerdyChique) didn’t get along either. The Montague-Freaks would organize BALLS and not invite the Capulet-Nerds. The Nerds weren’t friendly either & would return the favor by not inviting The Montague-Freaks to their BALLS and these behaviors drove errbody NUTS. .. WOW!! Seems like I was talking about the male genitals for a second innit?! HA!! On the 3rd day of the first month of 1278, the Capulet-Nerds organized their annual ball & as usual, the Montague-Freaks were not invited but Romeo (@ChykElfarooq_RJ) the second son of the Montague-Freaks was forced to attend by some of his buddies.

@Oluwole_JR: Still sober over @MissNickiMaraj aren’t u? Look bruf, so what if you got dumped… it could happen to anybody.
@Verbalreasoning: Exactly, It’s prolly for the best. You gotta move on with ur life bruf.
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Guys, you don’t understand. I was so so so so so into her. I thought she was the one for me until she dissed me & dumped my ass.
@Oluwole_JR: What did she say?
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: You know what, just forget it. Y’all would laugh at me any way.
@Verbalreasoning: Come on dawg, we won’t. We’re ur hommies.
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: aii, aii… but don’t laugh. She said… she said… *sigh* she said her oda boyfriend, the one before me, was way cuter than me, could rap like J.Cole (Huh?! J.Cole in the 12th Century?) & had six packs. Me on the other hand, I have just one pack.
@Verbalreasoning: WTF?!!! Buhahahahaha
@Oluwole_JR: Oh Dear! Oh Dear! LMFAO
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: You lil fruits!! U said you wouldn’t laugh.
@Oluwole_JR: My Bad bruf!! …hahaha … How on earth would she break up with you cos’ of a one-pack??
@Verbalreasoning: U know wat, I know the perfect way to get your mind off @MissNickiMaraj. There’s a mask-ball being organized by the Capulet-Nerds. It should be fun you know. @ChykElfarooq_RJ: I just got dumped & now u’re tryna get me killed?? You know our families don’t get along like @Louis_The_XIII and Jesus Christ.
@Oluwole_JR: It’s a mask-Ball dude. Ladies, blow, booze …
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: Mehn, that’s famzing with the enemy.
@Oluwole_JR: errr… there’ll be chics willing to suck ur nipples.
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: O_O say wat?! Oya, make we dey go… Hot damn! Y didn’t u mention that earlier?!

They got to the Nerdy-Ville and had a great time but as fate would have it, the girl @ChykElfarooq_RJ had been dancing along with was @PweetyMissDea (Juliet) the youngest daughter of the Capulet-Nerds. She was cute, sexy, had a cool blog ( www.missdeaoa.tumblr.com )& kept “grinding” on him like he was an ingredient for moi-moi. **Dear Readers, I truly apologize for that dry joke. I promise not to repeat such an agnelinous act. Thank you (Oya, check ur dictionaries for the meaning of “agnelinous”) ** They chatted for long but had no idea who the other truly was. PS. Personally, I feel “Chatted” should be a gbagaun. I mean, why not “Chot” or somefn similar. **Karashika Shrug** Anyway, they arranged to have dinner at a restaurant nearby the following day. When the next day came, they met at the restaurant they had planned to meet at & had a lovely dinner. Just as errfn was going on well @PweetyMissDea asked @ChykElfarooq_RJ bout is family & what they were like.

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: I’m the second outa 3. The Second son precisely. I’ve got a sis, cute lil clown, that gurl. Ummmm, what else?! My dad, @IzienTheFreak, is a poli…..
@PweetyMissDea: WHAT?! Who did u say ur dad is??
@ChykElfarooq_RJ: @IzienTheFreak … Any problem?? **Worried look**
@PweetyMissDea: Oh Dear!! You’re… You’re… You’re a Montague-Freak & I’m a Capulet-Nerd … I’m Juliet. Oh MY!

They sat there looking at each other in total shock. A perfect example of #ThatAwkwardMoment. It was almost like they just heard that Patience Dame Goodluck was a B.Sc holder in English Language. -_-

@ChykElfarooq_RJ: I really don’t know what to say but although tis is going to make tings harder for us,I feel we gotta find a way to work things out cos ,truth be told, I’m already falling for you. @PweetyMissDea: I was hoping you’ll say that. I know it’s sorta too soon but I’m falling for you already as well. I think the problem with our…

As they were talking two members of the Capulet-Nerds family walked into the restaurant, @yemiFlyguy & @Mr_McBlunt.

@yemiFlyguy : The Hell?!! That’s a Freak talking to our cousin. ATTACK!! Quick, stone him those library books you borrowed.
@Mr_McBlunt: Konfam!! Konfam!! Measure 20ml of HCl & 30ml of H2SO4 and pour it on the bitch ass niokar.

Omoh men, see beta matrix we oga @ChykElfarooq_RJ just dey display. D guy bn dodge err kini wey dem Nerds bn throw go him side. News of the fight reached the Montague-Freak’s family house & @ChykElfarooq_RJ’s bro (@Tobzville) & cousins (@KidOmar & @Giamatti) rushed to the restaurant & joined the fight. Twas a crazy scene. Books struck the faces of the Freaks, Acid solutions splashed as well & the Freaks bit the Nerds on their ankles. Twas truly crazy. Just as @Mr_McBlunt was bout to stab @ChykElfarooq_RJ with a knife, @PweetyMissDea yelled “Nooooo” & *In 9ja Movie slow motion* pushed @ChykElfarooq_RJ outa the & set leg for @Mr_McBlunt who fell & unfortunately landed on the knife he was holding which pierced through his heart. They all looked at @PweetyMissDea in shock. She had just killed a fellow family member. News of this tragic event reached the King of Italy, @WhoIsTunde, & she got banished from Italy. Oh & By the way, those of you that searched for the meaning of “agnelinous” ehn, *In Saucekid’s voice*I’m so sorry for you. Eez Cryn por you sef. Of cos the word doesn’t exist.

That night she pleaded with @Ballaholic0 (who was the guard in charge of escorting her outa Italy) to let her see @ChykElfarooq_RJ one more time before she left the country. She was allowed by the guard & they both rode on their donkeys to the Freaky-Ville. She climbed through @ChykElfarooq_RJ’s window and they both talked bout their future together and other stuff. & of cos they had sex. Now this is where it gets really messed up. @Ballaholic0 stood by the window waiting for @PweetyMissDea to climb outa the window so that he could escort her outa the country. While he was waiting he heard sounds coming from the room… “Spank that ASS” … “spank that ASS” & later on “right there, right there oooohhhh”. Now not only was agro catching @Ballaholic0 but he (for some weird reasons) thought that they were referring to a donkey when they said “spank that ASS”.

As the day broke, @PweetyMissDea quickly climbed outa the window so that the Freaky-Ville guards wouldn’t notice her. As she ran to @Ballaholi0 she noticed that he looked a little bit embarrassed. The Freaky-Ville guards soon noticed her & ran towards her to capture her. She hopped on the donkey & tried to force it to move but it didn’t. The Freaky-Ville guards caught up with her but @Ballaholi0 had fled the scene already. As she was being dragged across the courtyard she looked closely at the donkey & realized what had happened. The donkey was too weak & emotionally hurt to move cos @Ballaholi0 had raped it. … SMH!

****END OF VOLUME ONE****
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