ROMEO & JULIET: THE GREAT MISUNDERSTANDING. VOL.2

@PweetyMissDea spent the next two days in the Freaky-Ville dungeon but on the 3rd day, @WhoIsTunde decreed that she should be released and sent to… you know what, let’s just forget this story… I know it seemed like a nice story but I’m emotionally hurt & I want to let out my feelings. We all know how the story ends. @ChykElFarooq_RJ gives @PweetyMissDea a pill for her to play possum( make people think she’s dead) so that he can run away with the “corpse” and when she wakes up, marry her. The pill worked longer than expected & blah blah blah… Romeo killed himself then she finally woke up & saw his corpse & killed herself too. The phone call @ the beginning of the previous post was made by @ballaholic0 who was reporting the donkey’s suicide. Apparently, asses (donkeys) don’t like to take it up the ass. That’s the summary of the story, I’m sorry I just have to blog bout my feelings. I know it sounds a lil bit fruity but hear me out.

Now, let’s rename this post… Let’s call itJustify Full

 

HOW I LOST MY SANITY
 
I was sitting in my living room, typing the 2nd part of the Romeo & Juliet story when I decided to take a break (Cos NEPA/PHCN just brought the light). I turned on the TV & tuned to E!.I was watching a program “50 Celebrity Young stars back then” or sumfn stupid like that. It got to McCaulay Culkin ,Kevin the “Home Alone” kid like we all know (Apart from @Yinkadelekes who spent his childhood watching “Home Alone: The Plumber’s visit” which was a porn movie btw). Now what drew my attention was a scene where Kevin woke up on Christmas morning & started opening his gifts. I felt bad. Dear readers, I must say this post contains 100% true facts. Nofn in this post was fabricated. Ok, you see a picture of a young cute nigglet rocking a fruity scarf around his neck, pretending to be superman’s cape? That’s the young ME. Check out the footwear too. Hehehe (Hey, @Okem_daniels u can stop looking at the pic now, you f*cking homo-perv). That was a long time ago when I was handsome b4 (sadly) I grew older & lost my looks. I blame one person —–> SANTA CLAUS. Yeah, yeah I know its “Father Christmas” but let’s just sound fresh for once. Majority of y’all didn’t grow up in J-Town so I don’t really know what Christmas for u was like. I, on the other hand, was born & raised in Jos, Plateau state loooong before the crisis fucked the place up. I must say, growing up in Jos was pretty cool, literally. I really loved the place cos people were nice, the weather was nice & all that. Growing up there was nice BUT the Christmas period sucked duck-dick mehn.

That guy y’all called Santa was a scam, an ass-wipe & a “tamba-Lord”. Yes, Santa used to tamba. Don’t ask me how I know, I just know. The guy toyed with our emotions when we were kids. Now check this out. The so called Santa was a staff of NTA Jos (Once again, don’t ask me how I know, I just do) who performed the same routine on the 24th, 25th right thru to 28th December. He would go to the Airport, dress up in a Santa costume and then roll to the NTA station in a convoy like his black ass just touched down from Yankee or sumfn. Oh and btw, back then (& I believe even until now) NTA usually organized parties for kids at their headquarters. We, the lil kids, would pay bout N450 to enter the NTA premises & I remember standing at the gate, taunting the kids who couldn’t get in. We played games, some bouncing castle ish mixed with swinging & horse riding. HEY! Not horse “riding” O. The piñatas where stuffed with tom-tom & ginger sweet so looking back, I know twas crap. The painful part was the gifts we got. Before getting a chance to see Santa, we would queue for bout 2omins or more. In fact, I remember one particular Christmas when it was my turn to see Santa. Oh and umm, I never did any of that “lap sitting” B.S. Santa usually likes. I’ve repd #TeamKillAllFaggots since day 1. Now, after waiting to see Santa, it got to my turn & for an unknown reason I was super excited. This is the stupid convo we had & I can remember it clearly cos they(NTA) aired it twice. I swear on my left nut, I didn’t make this up.

Santa: Merry Christmas young boy. What is your name?
Lil Chyk: *Widest grin ever* My name is CHIKE.
Santa: Chike? Im sure you like chicken. HA HA HA! Merry Christmas *Hands me gift*
Lil Chyk: *Disappointed look* Thank you Father Christmas. *walks away in shame*

That was the worst 11 seconds of my childhood & of all the stupid convos I’ve had in my life that one ranks as number 2. I mean, seriously? “Chike? I’m sure you like chicken”? Seriously?! C’mon even a kid named Clifford Orji would like chicken. He’ll just prefer Human meat that’s all. SMH! Anyway, the gift I was given wasn’t sumfn to write home about either. The gifts were tied (not wrapped) in a black nylon. This is what I saw inside when I opened it. Jollof rice in a plastic take away pack (no meat), 2 Milkose sweets, a yellow bolom-bolom (balloons of cos) & wait for it…a plastic whistle. *Sad Face*. Who ‘tf does that to the future of tomorrow? How in God’s name can you give a lil kid rice, sweets, bolom-bolom & whistle as a Christmas gift & expect that kid to grow up to be a normal person ehn. *sob sob* I mean, Kevin (McCaulay Culkin) was getting Sega games & other cool presents & I was getting a plastic whistle?! Why couldn’t our lives be half as cream as his? Now y’all see why I hate Santa with a passion. Most of you go on twitter & say stuff like “@ChykElfarooq_RJ you’re not normal o. You need prayers.” Pls how dyu expect me to be normal after that. In one of my favorites, @CapoieraPanda even called me “a sachet of stupidity”. I laffd when I saw it sha. Oh, and by the way Yemi, check @Mr_Kikee’s bio, that’s from me to you.

Don’t get me wrong tho, I had a fresh childhood but the Christmas periods?! Mba o. It wasn’t fresh atol. Shey you people know Zeem (@Louis_The_XIII) ?? Now, tell me, is that homo-sapien normal? You see. He aint. Although he took his depression a lil too far by running into a closet & jumping outa it sha, if u know what I mean. LoL. Now you all know the truth. No diss or none of that but deep down, I know @Giammatti, @KidOmar, @JaneClement & @IzienTheFreak spent some time in J-Town judging by their tweets. If you aint ffn ‘em, pls do. Hilarious must really feel like a bitch cos they’re all fucking hilarious. Anyway, the next time you want to call me a psycho or sumfn similar, just remember that young boy (with cute elbows) that got emotionally raped by that lil fruit cake called Santa. *Sob* *sniff*

    • Frankie!!
    • June 15th, 2011

    Santa hater!! Well, I neva really liked father xmas or wateva. I dnt evn like clowns.. I consida dem beneath me.. Anywys, tot d dude ws weird nd I sooo didn’t go 2 any stupid xmas party, tot myslf 2big… No reli, I ws too tall 4 all dat.. O shuuush! Dnt blame me, was a tall kid bt nw am a hottie.*wink*loool.. Funny shit, luv.. Still laffn *kisses*

    • Haha! Ok I can agree u’z a hottie nw… 😉 … bt 4real, Santa messd up my childhood… bt u knw wat they say bout payback.. Hehehe… *Zeem’s father smiley* … tanx boo :*

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