Prison Break: Escape From Twit-Jail (Season 3) Final Season

DATE: 24th October, 2010

Location: Sona Twit-Jail, Panama

Mission: Get Rid Of Tish’s Agbalumos & Rescue The Mo’Fo

Agent: CLASSIFIED

Accomplice: @ChykElfarooq_RJ

“U have a visitor @Okem_daniels & for Christ’s sake put down that ish u’ve bn chewing” came @bahyor’s voice blaring thru the speakers. A scruffy looking Tish made his way towards the front of Sona where he met an angry looking “ME”.

Me: Before u say anyfn,I hav just 1 question for u… “Bet Y Agbalumo?”

@Okem_daniels: *Looks down in shame* I don’t know bruf… twas fooqing spontaneous … I…I…I…I had no control ova it.

Me: *Slams fist on barbed wire* I spent a week working on that plan & u fooqed it all up cosa 5 agbalumos… I even tattooed my nuts… WTF mehn… Hv u seen the Statue Of Liberty lately… e hands dey e pockets

@Okem_daniels: *Confused look* ahn ahn! Y? I tot one hand used to be up

Me: Yes,but u my brother, u fall Statue Of Liberty hand… I bow for u oh!

@Okem_daniels: *With regret on his face* Look bro,im sorry K. I knw I fooqed up but im ur bro. u gotta 4giv me mehn. So are u gonna break me out again? *Puppy eyes*

Me: Niokar, imma bitch slap the puppies outa ur eyes if u giv me that homo look. Nwais, yup… but I aint the one who’s gon’ break u out. I hired sum1 else but I’ll be working on a plan to help the whole escape from outside.

@Okem_daniels: Phew!! Thanks bruv its all…*takes a close look at the ride I came in*… wait oh,aint that the gurl from the Se7en Wizkid Video?? … Dude,u badt gan!!!

Me: *Adjusts collar & kicks off the lil dirt on the right shoulder* U knw na… Im a badt PEOPLE!!

@Okem_daniels: So who’s the dude that’s gonna break me out???

Me: He’s gon meet u. He’s A Fedr…

@Okem_daniels: DUDE!!! U’re bleeding from ur earlobes

Me: Damn!! Ummm… I gotta get to a clinic ASAP… *runs to ride,enters & zooms off*

Meanwhile, back in prison, the inmate that I sent to break @Okem_daniels out was being tortured into giving up his true identity & mission in sona. @IzienTheFreak (who had stapled his armpit back) was in charge of the interrogation.

@IzienTheFreak: Who sent U? *slaps face* What is ur name?

@tobzville: Nobody sent me

@CapoieraPanda: *Connects +ve & -ve wires to @ tobzville’s nuts* Talk or u’re gon’ feel the VIBE

@ tobzville: There’s nothing to say… hit the switch for all I care… im even bout to enter the matrix sef…kmft

@CopoieraPanda: *Hits the switch* Now feel the vibe. U beestird.

@ tobzville: Arrrrrrrrgggg… I am Innocent. *eyes twitching*

@IzienTheFreak: I know the right form of torture *Plays Andre 3000’s verse in “Deuces RMX” ova & ova again*

@ tobzville: Pls… stop that crap… I said im innocent… arrrrrrrrrggghh… *eyes twitching*

@bahyor: No time for all these. I knw wat to do *Shows him Live Feed of His daughter, Kimberly, tied to a chair & two big black masked men standing on both sides with their “Union Banks” aimed at her ear*

@IzienTheFreak: If U don’t tell us who sent u & ur name, I’ll instruct my men to rape ur daughter… In both ears

@tobzville: *eyes twitching* Pls don’t … imma talk… @ChykElfarooq_RJ sent me.

@IzienTheFreak: *Slams Cup of Coffee Zobo on the table* I knew it!!! That Basterrd wants to break Tish out again. It’s a pity he can’t. No one can break outa Sona. Btw wats ur name… u beta talk or ur daughter will have an ‘Eargasm’

@tobzville: *eyes twitching* Im CTU Agent Jack Bauer!!!

Gen-gen-gen-gen…(Action Sound)

Tish had just being transferred to Sona Twit-Jail. I figured I culdnt take that agbalumo ish no more so I hired a very good frend of mine who can neva die, Jack Kenechukwu Tobenna Bauer. The guards at sona twit-jail paid no attention to the “@ChykElfarooq_RJ sent me” info but sooner or later we’ll find out if they were rite. I had joined forces with anoda CTU agent Tony Almeida (@exothermic_Kv) to work on the escape plan… well, actually @exothermic_Kv did all the work. All I did was ‘Get Busy’ with the hot chic from Wizkid’s “Them Girls” video… oh shit!!! My bad, “Hola At Ur Boi” Video.Meanwhile, @tobzville caught up with Tish.

@tobzville: nna… hafana?? *eyes twitching*

@Okem_daniels: I dey oh,jst tryna survive here mehn…

@tobzville: Mehn, @IzienTheFreak is a basterrrd sha… he threatened to have my daughter’s ears raped. Smh… nwais I heard bout ur…

@Okem_daniels: My gist… yea I know…*bows head in shame*

@tobzville: nwais,lets get down to business.. It’s a… o cammon, pull ur pants back up. I dnt mean that kinda business. Jeeeez!! .. *eyes twitching* lyk I was saying, it’s a jungle out here in panama. Survival of the strongest. There’s only one way outa here & that is “The Bosses Room”. “The Bosses” are the two strongest & most respected niokars in the whole of Sona & to get that room we must fight them…till death. *eyes twitching* Ur bro is already digging an under ground tunnel that’ll lead to the room. So all we have to do is to win ‘em & then while errbady is asleep we’ll make our move. *eyes twitching* I don’t have time to waste oh. I got posted to Kebbi for my NYSC & I have to get there on time to get a good room. @LL_YemiKuti twit-picd his room & boy, that ish was scary. So we gotta be fast.

@Okem_daniels: It’s pretty straight forward. But err… who r “The Bosses”???

@tobzville: Lardo & Flambush

PAUSE!!!

Now for those of u (esp non-RUN students) who don’t know bout these two or prolly got a false gist bout them, lemme explain. Lardo & Flambush are very good Christians who met at a Holy Ghost service in Redemption Camp. They excelled in their Christian youth programs & were chosen to speak at “Youths: The Drive To Success”, a program held at Los Angeles, California. While there, they met Ashton Kutcher & they struck a deal to start “PUNK’D 9JA”. Their first prank however went wrong & they were falsely accused of stealing a car belonging to @Aiotee. All I know is that those 2 niokars are innocent sha. God will fight for the Helpless. Stay strong Comrades.

Nawis,twas time for the tag-team fight. Lardo & Flambush VS @tobzville & @Okem_daniels. Lardo & Flambush circled their opponents slowly waiting for a KEY moment to attack & CRUISE to victory.

@tobzville: pstttt! Pssstttt! I’ll take on Lardo & u’ll take Flambush… hey, Tish, Y aren’t u talnkin??

@Okem_daniels: They literally stole the words outa my mouf…lol

@tobzville: Hush jor. At the count of three (3) lets attack… 1-2-….

@Okem_daniels: Wait! Wait! Wait! Countdown instead… As in, “3-2-1”… iono but its more dramatic than “1-2-3”. Dig??

@tozville: SMFH… in fact, shaking my entire body for u #HomoMuch…ATTACK!!

Omo see beta WWE fight. Twas like Triple H & Shawn Michaels VS Gentle Jack & Osuofia (PLS IGNORE THAT PART). @tobzville wasted no time at all. He beat shege comot form Lardo & left him barely alive. Flambush had @Okem_daniels locked in a “sleeper hold” & just as @Okem_daniels was bout to pass out, he reached for the half bottle of otapiapia in his pocket & poured it into Flambush’s eyes. What @Okem_daniels was doing wif Otapiapia in his pocket remains one of the unsolved mysteries in this world along with how Seun(Hustler) didn’t get expelled years ago until now. They made an extra smooth escape outa jail that night (thru the Bosses Room) & met me at the oda side afta they passed the tunnel.

Me: Tanks @tobzville …u did it… places handcuffs on Tish’s Hands*

@Okem_daniels: WTF?! Y d hell r u handcuffing me? R u mad?

Me: Niokar, I aint down for that agbalumo ish no more. Hell freaking no.

@Okem_daniels: Mehn,dat dnt mean u shuld treat me like…*looks at my ears* … u’re bleeding from ur earlobes again. What’s d problem??

Me: I have cancer… Cancer of The Earlobe… not the entire ear oh, just the earlobe.

I held my ear in pain. Errbadi had that “pele, its well” look on their faces but the pain just kept increasing. Nothing culd be done to ease the pain. Cancer of the earlobe no be small thing oh. E dey pain gan.Not even the several kisses from the hot chic from Wizkid’s Video culd help me. As we entered our vehicle, the panama guards (bout a dozen of dem) lead by Female I.G., @Oluwatowbad, pursued us. We drove till we got into a jungle & we had no option bt to continue wif waka. In no time, they caught up wiv us. @tozville killed 8 of ‘em, @exothermic_Kv killed ½ , @Okem_daniels killed 3 ½ & I was busy making out wiv the hot chic from Wizkid’s video. @oluwatowbad pointed her gun at @Okem_daniels & wfout fnkin twice I jumped right in front of Tish just as she was bout to pull the trigger… My life flashed in front of me (In black & white) … I culd see a cute baby Chyk learning how to walk… my first day in primary sch… taking akamu when I was 7years old… gettn my first kiss… in the booth spittin my bars for “Ringtone”… Getting my 1st Touchdown on my superbowl… drinking Kunu in J-Town…Angels carrying me to heaven……. & then she pulled the trigger.

An almost lifeless body fell on d ground & errbady looked in shock. @oluwatowbad allowed the @tozville rush the body to the hospital where the doctor first operated on my earlobes & got rid of my cancer but enof bout me, @Okem_daniels was dying. Wait oh, u tot I was the one that got shot?? Tinba gbo.. No oh! @oluwatowbad has madt shooting skills lyk Angelina Jolie from “Wanted” so she was able to curve the bullet. The doctors tried but culdnt do anyfn but just as he was bout to kick the plastic bucket I show him @MzDaisyP’s Avatar, @ollylicious’s avatar & a pic of his fav fruit… & the lil fruit cake regained full consciousness … KMFT!!!

    • Frankie!!
    • June 13th, 2011

    @Chyke Ur sick… Dis is hilarious.. Funnier dan wen u ws in sec skool nd tot d hottest grl liked u 4real nd u wnt ahead nd bought her valz gift bt unknowingly, she actuali didn’t knw u ws in her class or existed until y’all….(Ok, enuf ram nd chicken story)…I literally laffed out loud..

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