Prison Break: Escape From Twit-Jail (Season 2)

@Okem_daniels: No….. No….. Noooooooooooooooooo

Tish wakes up in shock. He had been having a nightmare bout his “Anal Rape”. He was in a dark room alone but he could hear female voices. Meanwhile, @Ore_Li seemed to be worried bout bout the entire escape plan & how we were gon’ exonerate @Okem_daniels.

@Ore_Li: Yo bruf, even if we escape, how IZ we go prove Tish’s innocence?I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life running from the police…

Me: Yeah,I know. I’ve got that covered. My wife, @IyAmJeanhadu, is coming ova for a conjugal/konjigal visit later today. She’s gon’ give me some info that’ll exonerate Tish.

As we were talking @CapoeiraPanda knocked on our prison door.

@CapoeiraPanda: Yo Chyk,U’ve got a visitor.

Me: It’s about time *stands up & follows him*

@CapoeiraPanda: Its Ur wife. She asked for a conjugal/konjigal visit. You have “30 Mins” to do your nonsense & then she’z outa here.

As I followed him to see my wife I walked past a room with a glass window.In the room where @IzienTheFreak was sitting along with @LankyDiru, @saucypimpin, @bahyoh & two other pple I culdnt recognize.I moved closer to the door as I walked by to see if I culd hear a thing or two from their convo but all I could hear was…

@saucypimpin: ….must die this nite & that’s wat the boss wants.

And then they all nodded in approval.

“Afraid” catch me ehn .As in,Fooq the fact that I’m a great ‘Eminem fan’ oh,I was actually afraid. Tish was the only family member I had. Our dad left us when we were little to sell ‘shoe-polish’ in Jigawa state & our mum sells toilet-rolls in Malawi(wats my own wf this toilet thingy sef…smh).Tish & I were more than brothers. We’ve had each other’s back since primary school. Tish, If u’re reading tis,I just want u to knw that from the bottom of my heart,I want…I want…I want Barcelona to end up trophy-less this season & I hope Messi breaks his leg.Im sick & tired of y’all oppressing us…#TeamManchesterUnited…lol…Moving On

As I entered a room wf a large sign “CONJUGAL/KONJIGAL VISITORS ONLY” written on the door, I saw my wife @IyAmJeanhadu & we hugged then @CapoeiraPanda left us alone.

Me: Hey baybee,Miss u…Look we don’t have much time. What hv u bn able to find out??

@IyAmJeanhadu: I hacked into @Okem_daniels & @LankyDiru’s twitter accounts.but none of ‘em tweeted that crap. However, I was able to get a twit-pic from @LankyDiru’s account. It’s a pic of Him, @saucypmpin & @bahyoh taking orders from sme1 on an okada.I culdnt trace who the person was but that same okada is parked outside as we speak. My guess is, they are around as we speak right now.

Me: That makes perfect sense. They must be the ones in the room I just passed, Tanks boo, u’re the best.

@IyAmJeanhadu: *giggles* Anyfn for u baybee. So imma leave now so I can…

Me: Wait…errrrrrrr……No sex?

@IyAmJeanhadu: Ahn Ahn,but in the real “Prison Break” Scofield & his babe didn’t hv sex na…

Me:Yeah,I know but im pretty sure these readers wanna see a lil action…

@IyAmJeanhadu: hmmmmmm… Ok baybee

I placed my left hand on her waist & then used my right hand to gently turn her face towards me & then frenchd her.I moved slowly down her neck, kissing it gently & slowly taking off her ‘Nkechi& Gabana” blouse…Sorry, “Dolce & Gabana” blouse revealing a red bra that provided shelter to a pair of perfectly sized ‘Tatas’. She whispered into ma ears “Take me slooooooow like a snail & at the same time devour my snail”. As I pulled down my trouser & my ‘jorjio Harmany’ boxers to reveal my ‘Union Bank’ (Big, Strong & Reliable…lol) she screamed..

@IyAmJeanhadu: Blood Of Jesus. WTF is that??? … That is unbelievable…

See me,I bn think say the size of my ‘Union Bank’ bn dey surprise the babe but omo…Jo-jo-jo-Jonze oh

@IyAmJeanhadu: …Why in heavens name are your nuts black?? I mean, u’re a fair dude…:s

Me:Oh…*In shame*..I..errrrr…I tattooed the ….ummm…blueprints to the prison on my nuts…that’s why…

@IyAmJeanhadu: SMH!!! U need Jesus Christ in your life oh…but its all gud sha *giggles*

She gently pushed me on top of the bed & got on top of me, she took my…Wait a minute..(O_o)…Una don c porn-blog abi?? My brother Tish is bout to get killed & y’all are busy reading bout ‘Union Bank”…smh…Pervs like una…Nwais we turned the lights off &…

Later on, my boys & I gathered back at the cell around 7:PM to try and rescue Tish.

Me: Dudes, we only have one shot. We can’t afford to make any costly mistake. If we do, the Tish dies. We must do this perfectly.

We snuck past some guards and ran acroos the prison yard as we got into an underground tunnel.

@Oluwole_JR: Yo, where to from here?

Me: Don’t worry, I’ve got the blueprints of the entire jail tattooed on my nuts.

@banjidanny: that’s sexy

@IamMafioso: Shut the fooq up

@Ore_Li: Knock it off u two

Me: Its ok dudes, calm down…now please if u would please turn around …

As I let down my boxers I screamed just like my wife did earlier on but for a different reason

Me: Chimo! Chineke mei! Choi… The blueprints don fade

Everybody turned around & I stood there like a fool. I had fooqed up. Me wey suppose be Scofield .

@Ore_Li: WTF mehn, what happened???

Me: My wife came along & we…. never mind it’s not important what’s important now is…

& Then a disgusting miracle occurred…sounds a lil bit lyk an oxymoron, yea…’disgusting, miracle’…just wait & see…

@yinkadelekes: What’s important is that I have a copy of the blueprints.

Me: Good Gracious God!!! How did u get it???

@yinkadelekes: You see, I always watch you when u’z taking a shower. I’m just like a squirrel niokar,I cant get enof of nuts. So I drew ur nuts on a paper *wide grin*. There u go.*hands me the drawing*

Me: *shaking wf fear, collects it* Dude,im not even going to ask u hw u managed to get a close view of my genitals .God will judge u.

We followed the map to the female section of the prison & recognized alota chics there. @YoyinBankz, @benytta, @NerdyChique, @kewtButton & alota other girls. Trust my boys na. No dulling. Can’t remember the pairing but all my boys seemed to be getting some. Even @banjidanny met an inmate, @promisiano (real name Promise Benjamin).

@banjidanny: imma use ur name so u can undastand what I mean/lay wf me & I PROMISE u, imma give u alota BENJAMINs.

@promisiano: Iont want ur money. I just want u.

Omo,see nacking…smh…Well, being the very good Christian that I’ve been all my life I didn’t join them in their BS. By the way, I rep #TeamWaitTillMarriage …:-D. Anywaiz, I met an inmate ,@SvelteTwampire who knew where Tish was. She took me to the place and I rescued Tish.Dyu knw this bastard didn’t even say ‘thank you’…he just grabbed @SvelteTwampire &…

After all their premarital sex, we hurried to the Madden room that @Iyayi_Ruth had left open…*PAUSE*…Ok, lemme explain. ‘Super Bowl’ is an NFL championship game while ‘Madden’ is an NFL Video-game but we all know what ‘Super Bowl’ means 😉 …& Madden? Let’s just say ‘Madden’ is a room that contains ‘Super Bowls’. Hence, the statement “I am going to the MADDEN to use my SUPER BOWL” is a valid statement.

Ya dig?…Now, we got to the Madden room which contained 8 “Super Bowls” & being the good patriotic citizens of Nigeria that we are, we each used a “Super Bowl” while reciting the National Anthem. When we were done, we climbed out through the window that @Oluwole_JR had broken the previous day. Now all that separated us from freedom was the fence.

@IamMafioso: Now what?

@banjidanny: yeah, “smart guy” *in a sarcastic tone* Now what?

Me: @Oluwole_JR dyu have ‘em sticks I told u to bring?

@Oluwole_JR: Yeah, I do * hands me 4 long sticks*

Me: Ok, then …Boys *Brings out the 12 agbalumos I had collected the previous day* we are going to chew these agbalumos until they become like chewing gums then we’ll use them in place of nails, join these sticks together then make a ladder.

Everybody looked at me with an “Oboy, U smart gahn” facial expression .Anyway, we sat down and shared the 12 agbalumos round but there were 5 extras so I tossed them aside & we started chewing. After we were done, we made a very strong ladder (If I hear say e possible for real life).As we were bout to climb the fence & escape we heard a voice we recognized say “Hold it right there”.We turned around confused & shocked at the same time. It was @Dunialagbe & the entire police force.

@Okem_daniels: Sayo (@Dunialagbe)? Sayo U? U set me up? Bet Y?

@Dunialagbe: All I eva wanted was to have u to myself but u kept fronting, so I figured I shuld let u die in jail.

@Okem_daniels: Haba Sayo,y didn’t u just Say Something

@yinkadelekes: When no be say she be Drake or Timbaland

Me: *smacks his Ogoh* Dude,don’t u know wen to shut up

@Dunialagbe: Well, Tish I’m on to the next one…ATTACK BOYS.

See fight…As in beta fight. @Okem_daniels fought like neva b4. Infact, it was like the main action scene from ‘The Expendables’. I even took on @LakyDiru by myself & beat him blue-black lyk an Inter-Milan player(If I hear rumour for my dream say I fit nearly beat Uzor 4 real life).As the fight was going on, the weirdest thing in the history of “Fighting” Occurred”. Now, we’ve all heard strange stories lyk Mike Tyson biting off Evander Holyfield’s ear during a fight & shit lyk that but this was the height.This no be lafn mata oh. It’s not even funny sef. @yinkadelekes ripped @IzienTheFreak’s police uniform, took out a knife & *Covers face in horror*…&…&…& cut out @IzienTheFreak’s armpit. Not the whole hand oh! Not even his fingers sef…His armpir gan-gan. As we stood their in shock of what just happened, @Ore_Li, @IamMafioso, @banjidanny & @Oluwole_JR made a run for it. They climbed the fence successfully & drove off in the keke-napeps waiting outside. @yinkadelekes, @Okem_daniels & I were left standing with guns pointed at us. Just as we felt “Our own don be” @Tayo_Freeman & @Whiz2k2 switched sides & pointed guns at their own mehn.

@Tayo_Freeman: Fooq the police! Imma do an “Officer Ricky” and leave the po-po

@Whiz2k2: Yeah,fooq the po-po… we aint gon snitch on our hommies any more.

Na so we tear race, even @Tayo_Freeman & @Whiz2k2 sef pick race. We climbed the fence & miraculously, we saw @tunrayoadams waiting for us wif a ride…

@tunrayoadams: Shike,guys…enter…Se kia jeka lo (Yoruba for “Be fast let’s go)

We ran into the car & shut the doors as we drove off out of Twit-Jail and into the real twitter world, NEVER to return again. As I turned to give @Okem_daniels a “we made it bro” kinda look …

Me: Oh Shit! Shit! Shit!!! Where the hell is @Okem_daniels?? I thought he was in the ride with us…SHIT!!!

But he didn’t get into the car with us…. Ladies & Gentlemen…. @Okem_daniels went back to collect those five agbalumos…SMFH.

The End…#OkBye

    • Frankie!!
    • June 13th, 2011

    Lmao!! Sme funny shit, farooqu… Bt, y am I nt featured init? *angry face*

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