HAFANA

*Walks in with a mask & a broom… removes cobwebs all over the blog… dusts errwhere… changes the curtains… sprays air fresher*

*Phew* Lil fruits, hafana??? -_- … make una no vex o. 2 months hiatus na bad thing, I know. Been busy for the past two months. Before I go any further lemme just say this… may God take out time from his busy schedule and punish the “pot-bellied” fat hedyorths that sat down together (sometime in 1973) & said to themselves “Hey, let’s f*ck with the minds of our youth…let’s start sumfn called NYSC”… O well, its just for 10months so *in @Idahosajoy’s voice* Isoke,Isogu, Isorai. Ha! One day in Minna (I’m serving in Niger state btw), I was just about to… u knw wat, lemme save that gist for my next blog post. Let’s just talk bout random ish & NO, I shall NOT talk bout those 2 UniLag babes that got into a twitfight yday cos of having premarital sex all for BB Bold ,Bold 2 & Torch cos lets face it, I have a BB pearl & I doubt if that can get me to pinger(where p=f) so there’s no use talkn bout it.

Now, 4real, wats up utunu??? I bet y’all IZ bumping MI2 lyk mad huh??! Great album! I prefer Talk bout it tho. “Wild Wild West” & “Number 1” r my fav tracks for obvious reasons bt there’s one track I have a problem with… “One Naira”. Now, that’s an awesome track but fellas let me warn u… Do not jonz oh, make ur money b4 u go chase woman o. One naira ko, if u’re a gurl & u want “One Naira Love” raise ur right hand… U see,Just 1 gu..JESUS!!! Damn, gurl, shave ur bloody armpit… arrrggg!! *Pukes*… smh.. Nwais, wat im tryna say is “Guys, no girl will lyk u if u’re broke… it’s the 21st century o… & Ladies, hate it or love it, aint nobody gon’ catch a grenade or jump in front of a train for y’all, we love u but… jor oh… I’ll prefer to make millions & say “Chike don finally blow” than to take a shortcut (catching a grenade) & literally “BLOW UP”…”. X_X

#Random. I want to give y’all an advice. Don’t EVER have sex while listening to any 9ja jam. It’s for ur own good. This is the reason why. I almost nailed a gurl back in Niger. Sad story. She was obviously feeling the boy so I invited her to my Aunt’s crib. She walked in looking all sexy & s*it. I couldn’t resist her. After bout 3mins we started making out & she took her top off. Omo, see boobie. In my mind I was like “Goodbye Virginity” & yes I’m a virgin. I rep #TeamWaitTillMarriage sef. Lol. Nwais, as she tried taking her jeans off, I sharply played a song on my laptop to make it more romantic. Worst decision of my life ever. As she took off her jeans she rested her tartaz on my already bare chest. Just then, P-Square’s jam started playing. Not sure of the name but this is what we heard…

“Say ur love no dey die… say ur feeling no dey…EH-EH-EH-EXCLUSIVE FROM NOTJUSTOK.COM..die.. say ur…”

That, right there turned her off & she left me. I almost wept that day. And my aunt locked her room so I couldn’t use her body cream. So there I was,a stupid young man with P-Square’s jam playing & a hard on. Learn from my mistake oh! … LOOOL

Oya, non-soccer fans jst skip this paragraph ok, dnt wanna bore u. Ehen, soccer fans KWENU! KWENU! KWEZUONU!!!!! First of all, Barca fans, Una win Real Madrid 5-0 & also a buncha odaz by d same score line, infact… raise ur hands & clap… dts rite u deserve to clap… clap… clap… keep clapping @IamMafioso, @I_r_Kevmeister & oda Barca fans … clap… NOT for urselves o…clap for DIMITAR IVANOV BERBATOV. Una score 5 dey happy, he (alone) scored 5 …loool… He is a badt PEOPLE. Man Utd fans, we can’t shout. Oya, bone play… Chelsea what’s d problem??? Vs Man Utd (1-3)—Vs Man City (L-1) –Vs Liverpool (L-2) –Vs Newcastle (3-4) –Vs Sunderland (L-3) –Vs Birmingham (L-1)—Vs Marseille (L-1) … & we’re jst half way through the season… smfh. Now Arsenal Nasri is balling like madt. Crazy goals against Fulham.some “box & X” ish. I just weep for y’all when u play Barcelona.

Ok, enof bout football… Have y’all heard “Robocop” produced by @Llyodmembere ?? U shuld if u hvnt… & “Words” by my niokar @VerbalReasoning … u go fear madt punchlines na. To download simply go to http://www.4shar…EHEN!!! *Drops glass of kunu on the table* 4shared.com e yaf madt utunu. “360 seconds remaining” & shit lyk that… but I knw the reason 4 all that tho à “NOLLYWOOD ACTORS TURNED SINGERS”. Their music is the reason why 4shared.com is acting all fruity & shit. 1st of all, Omotola… Omosexy… im a big fan o bt haba,wetin u dey sing na?! ok, we pardoned u cos u’z pretty & all then u decided to push ur luck by releasing a yeye video with a random immigrant from Morocco wey dey form Yankee. I’m pissed o. 4shared.com is pissed. & u, Mr Jim Iyke, e be lyk say @Sir_Scribbles dey joke with u too much. U’re a good actor but singer? Mba o!! Desmond Elliot, u sang a Christian song so I’ll respect myself & skip u. Genevieve bet y? bet y? L U were described by Oprah as the “African Julia Roberts” & u want to f*ck it up by singing?? One day I’ll buy ur album … along with a bag of salt to sprinkle all over hell cos it’ll def freeze over. Ha! And my last concern, Clem Ohameze & kanayo O. Kanayo. U two, dnt even think about it. 4shared.com is pissed. I know both of u are not into singing YET but my ESP(Extra Sensory Perception) tells me both of u are on the verge of forming Nigeria’s G-Unit. I swear, both of you ehn… If I hear your songs on the radio eh… if I hear ur names sef… I shall go to Okija shrine & dance naked with a circumcised puppy & then lay curses on u two… kmft.

Now last but not least, it’s been a sad month for #TeamSuperbowl. L Let’s holds hands and bow down as we have a moment of silence for @Lloydmembere’s BB who, In the first week of this month(December) , was mistakenly dropd into a superbowl while being used for SuperBowl Tweeting/BBMing… May It’s gentle soul rest in perfect PEACE(PISS). Amen!

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