A “Twinterview” ‘Bout Twitter-Handles!!!

It was a boring Tuesday night for me and I decided to tweet a lil hoping there was a “TT” worth jumping on but there wasn’t so I decided to tweet crap. I read a tweet from @XO_Senavoe (The hottest lyricist atm) that said “Loyalty.Is.Underrated”. Remember I said I wanted to tweet crap oh…gen-gen(action sound)…so I retweeted by saying …*And so is “Garri & Groundnut”(No Jokes)*…don’t worry I didn’t gbagaun(is/are)…Anyway, a friend of mine retweeted the whole convo and what happened next changed my life forever. Ok, maybe I’m over hyping this but my point is that it was like”weird, funny, & shocking ” all rolled up in 1 tweet. It’s just like a camel giving it to an ostrich from behind. Ehen, now u get it. Funny+Weird +Shocking. I literally laf’d-MFAO.The complete sequence is below & u can check my favorites on twitter to confirm. I actually didn’t make this up.

GarriGroundnut *Moonwalking By* RT @Louis_The_XIII: RT @ChykElfarooq_RJ: And so is “Garri & Groundnut” (No Jokes) // @XO_Senavoe: Loyalty.Is.Underrated.”

@GarriGroundnut … Very funny/unique handle. So I decided to travel round the globe (Via Ifesinachi) in search of similar handles. I wasn’t able to find any that could match “@GarriGroundnut” but I got a few that seemed different to me. I had brief “Twinterviews” w
ith ‘em too.

I ran into @exothermic_KV & @Louis_The_XIII in a club(Literally, I snuck past the bouncers and they were chasing me when I ran into those two).

Me: *In an Igbo accent* Zeem, Kelvin…Hafana??
@Louis_The_XIII: This one wey u dey sweat lyk tis…I dey sha…Tis club dey dull my spirit oh…na to…
*Kelvin interrupts him*
@exothermic_KV: Its Kevin not Kelvin bruf..Kevin…Kevin..K-E-V-
*Zeem returns the favor and interrupts him*
@Louis_The_XIII: Yea Yea…We get the gist. Now hush!
@exothermic_KV:Zeem,ur just a demon..Luci …
Me: E don do na…Ehen, Kelvin …sorry…Kevin what’s the inspiration behind your twitter handle.
@exothermic_KV:*In British accent* u see blad,”Exothermic” means ‘Producing heat’ and ‘KV’ of ‘cos is the short form for ‘Kevin’.You see bruf, I’m so hot I had to change my handle to ‘@LuvdByUrSista’ for a few weeks. Pretty simple.
Me: Hmmm,from the little chemistry I know Temperature can ALSO be measured in “Kelvin”. So if u’re ‘exorthemic’ lyk u say u are then ur name should be Kelvin not Kevin.
@exothermic_KV: My name is*sob* Kevin not*sniff sniff*Kelvin….*walks away in anger*
Me:Wtf!!!..What did I do wrong..smh..lil fruit…anyway ,Zeem, what bout u? What’s ur inspiration behind ur twitter handle?
@Louis_The_XIII: *Puts his blackberry in his pocket* Sorry, wat did u say bruf??
Me:So u no dey even listen. Was asking what the inspiration of ur twitter handle was jor
@Louis_The_XIII: Omo,na 1 expensive cognac wey I see for Abuja,the name na “LOUIS XIII” and it is worth N530,000.00

Me:Chimo!!! Isi gini?? Five Hundred & gini??
@Louis_The_XIII: Eziokwu.U can even check my blog.I wrote a lil sumfn bout it.. www.InvisibleScripts.blogspot.com
Me: Hey! U bestird,Y u dey advertise ur blog ontop my own blog. U dey madt ni.Fooq u jor.*Walks away in anger*
@Louis_The_XIII: Smh..Greedy Basterd!!!

As I was walking away in anger,I bumped into @SvelteTwampire AKA Amina/Lamide.

@SvelteTwampire: Are u stoooopid..Can’t u look where u’re….Oh!Mr Awesome,Sorry,didn’t know twas u.
Me:Lol..Sorry jor,Zeem pissed me off…U look upset…wats d problem??
@SvelteTwampire: It’s Kevin Oh.We came here 2geda & he just left me and went home.He said some fair dude pissed him offf or so.I wonder who the idiot is.
Me:Errr…Dont worry bout ’em…Wanna Dance??
@SvelteTwampire:Yeah…I need that
We started grooving to DJ Zeez’s ‘Bobbie FC’
Me: So sweetie, wat inspired ur twitter handle sef?
@SvelteTwampire: u & tis “Inspired/inspiration” wey u don dey talk since .lol. nwais,’Svelte” means “Some1(esp a woman) who is slim and attractive & “Twampire” is pretty obvious “Twitter+Vampire”..
Me: *Dancing Tryna get more booty action*
@SvelteTwampire: Chike Oh!! LooooL..U asked a ques & u aint even listening
Me: Omo,forget twitter for now. Let’s dance jor.lol
@SvelteTwampire: Lwkmd.Ok Oh!!!

The rest of my experience that night is R18 and cannot be discussed here…Thanks for understanding!

I woke up in a hotel room the next morning and rushed to the airport ‘cos I had a flight by 9:00AM (Ifesinachi Airways).At the departure lounge I sat down beside a lady but didn’t utter a word ‘cos she looked worried.

Random Hot Chic:[soliloquizing] *Sigh* Wat’s wrong wf tis Uber Twitter sef…Mcheeew
Me: Ummm,Try your Twitter for BB.
Random Hot Chic: Dnt really like it but I’ll give it a try tho…Tanx..I guess
Me:yeah,Sure thing. So ummm…what’s u’re twitter handle so I could..errr..follow u
Random Hot Chic: “@GarriGroundnut
Me: O_O …Holy Boobs Of Mercy Johnson!!! IZ U Fooqing Kidding me? I know U.From Twitter of ‘cos.Gosh!I ..I-I-I-I-*faints*
Random Hot Chic:OMG!!Somebody Help.
Nobody gave a fack bout my lifeless body so she gave me CPR (mouth to mouth to be precise.)
Me:Wow!!! Tanks.Of ‘cos I faked that.hehehe
Random Hot Chic: LoL.Ode Boy
Me:Lol.So what inspired …ummm…what motivated your choice of handle ??I hope its not lyk Drake’s “Last Name,Ever..First Name,Greatest…Greastest Ever” Thingy. Please don’t tell me ur first name is “Groundnut” & ur last name is “Garri”
Random Hot Chic:LOOOL..Of ‘cos not.Don’t be silly
Me: *Phew*
Random Hot Chic: I saw a friend on Facebook whose name was “TO BE CONTINUED”.I felt I had to beat that & so…well,u know the rest
Me:Omo,ur own beta pass him own oh.I love it.*Checks $600 Swatch*Wow,my flight is bout boarding. We’ll talk on twitter.
Random Hot Chic:Aii.Safe Trip
Me:Tanx….U Too…Umm,Anoda Mouth to Mouth?..Yes? No?
Random Hot Chic: Ma fuen slap oh..LoooL..Go jor

PS:These Twinterviews actually occurred and I didn’t make it up while tweeting from my famous “Super Bowl”. Also, there are oda weird/funny twitter handles out there. Beware!!!

  1. Intersting stuff

  2. Prepare urself, this is gonna be a long comment.
    I have read almost ur entire blog, and I have Laughed My Ass Off to Trace TV! Even made an apperance at channel O.
    U are fucking hilarious! I wanted to LMAOO on all of em, but I decided to choose a post with d least comments to LMAOO once and for all.
    Ur santa/father christmas experience had me laughing d most! And this post where my favorite Sir Scribbles was a guest.
    I found ur blog from reading ur comment on one of my favorite bloggers @Terdoh ‘s blog.
    U are very talented, made me laugh for hours, more oil to ur akara!
    Ok, enough washing for one day, my Ariel haff finish. @KwinTori

    • Bn having a pretty rough “24hrs” but ur comment just put a smile on my face. Perfect way to end my day. 🙂 .. ‘Preciate it. Just viewed ur blog, I promise to read it tomorrow when I’m a lot better. By the way, I must say I have a thing for lawyers (I actually wish I was one) so I’m pretty sure imma like ur blog. Thanks for visiting. Feel free to come back next time.

      Ps, I’m a sane person in reality but nobody believes that. 😦

  3. Oh, I forgot to add. I’m new to blogging, and after reading ur blog, I considered closing mine! I can’t measure up to this! Beht I shall attempt. Ok, bye!

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